Saturday, 13 February 2010

Saturday Night Fight Club - Monkey Business

Carnivorous Ape v Yeti

Yes, I know that technically, neither is a monkey because they don't have tails.

Carnivorous Ape

The D&D equivalent of Mighty Joe Young.
HD 5 (average hp 23)
3 attacks 1-4/1-4/1-8
If it scores a hit with both hands at the same time, it does an additional 1-8 of rending damage

THAC0 15 so to hit the yeti requires a 9 as well.

And from the very last page of the Monster Manual (unless you count the treasure tables)...


HD 4+4 (average hp 22)
2 attacks
Damage per attack 1-6/1-6

If it hits with a 20 on either of its attacks, it does 2-16 extra damage.

THAC0 15 so to hit the carnivorous ape, the yeti will need a 9

Heh, this looks like an even match. It’ll all come down to the die rolls, methinks.

Okay, round 1

Joe rolls a 4, Yeti rolls a 5

The Yeti’s attack rolls are 19 and 7. Didn’t get the 20 he needs for that chilling hug. So let’s see what his damage dice are...

Damage of 3

Joe gets three attacks – let’s see if that gives him the edge.

He rolls a 20, an 11 and a 16 – the dice are good tonight!

Okay, so let’s take a look at his damage rolls and see what he does. Not forgetting his rending attack – an extra d8

4, 4, 2 – for his claw, claw bite and rending damage of 7. That’s a hefty 17 damage! Phew!

End of round 1 and the yeti is down to 5hp and Joe is laughing with a total of 20

Round 2 and it’s all to play for.

Reaction rolls and the yeti is quicker off the mark with a 4, whilst Joe has to settle for a 1.

Yeti gets a 14 and a 7 – so one of his attacks hits home. However, a score of 3 just isn’t doing the sort of damage that he needs to inflict at this stage of the game.

Joe weighs in with his three attacks, and get 14,13 and 12. Things look grim for the white one.

He rolls a 4, 1 and 3 for his damage, a total of 8. The yeti is history. Any rending to be done is on the corpse. Academic, really.

Right…that was a short one. Let’s see if it’s a different outcome second time around. Hit the SNFC reset button and let’s do it again!

Round 1

The Yeti is first away with a 3. Joe was clearly thinking of something else (like was the Charlize Theron remake a good film or not), having got a 1

The Yeti’s attack rolls are a 16 and a 4. He rolls but his damage is only a 3

Joe rolls 6,17 and 13 – damage of 3 and 4, for a total of 7.

End of round 1, the yeti is down to 15, Joe to 20

Round 2

The Yeti and Joe both get 4 on the reaction dice, and both get their attacks at the same time.

Unfortunately, the yeti gets a 5 and a 7 and misses with both his attacks. Well, that’s dice luck for you.

Joe hits back with a 7, 9 and 20 – damage of 3 and 5.

End of round 2, the yeti is flailing with 7hp left, and the Joe is still on 20.

Round 3

Yeti gets a 3 on his reaction dice, and Joe gets a 5.

This time, the dice are not on the side of Joe and he only gets a hit with his bite attack. Let’s see if it’s enough to finish this bout.

5 – not quite.

The yeti fights back with 13 and 1 – he can’t seem to land both attacks at the same time. He managed to get 4 damage in.

End of round 3, the yeti is on 2hp and Joe on 16.

Round 4

The yeti gets a 1 for his reactions and Joe a 6.

Joe rolls 2, 16 and 16 and rolls 3 and 5 for damage. This knocks the yeti right out of the contest and it’s game over for him.

So that’s two-nil to Joe, But wait, I hear you cry. The yeti has a chance to paralyse his opponent with fear if he surprises it. I haven’t ruled that either side was surprised in the two combats we’ve just had but what if Joe was surprised? Would the yeti’s mysterious gaze weapon make a difference? Joe is a 5HD monster and therefore would save on an 11 or better. If he makes the roll, I don’t think he’ll need to roll again, since he can’t be surprised twice.

Let’s see.

Round 1

Let’s roll for that save. Guess what – an 11

Since we’re ruling that Joe was surprised, the yeti should go first.

14 and 4 – yep, he’s still got the same dice luck.

Damage of 6, so that’s not so bad.

Joe retaliates. 3, 16 and 1 – damage of 4

End of round 1, the yeti is down to 18, Joe to 17

Round 2

The Yeti and Joe both get a 2 for reactions.

18 and 15 – the yeti finally lands both attacks in the same round. Damage of 7

Joe has clearly picked up the lucky D20 and rolls 19,15 and 16

As he’s made all three attacks, that means he gets his d8 of rending damage in addition.

4, 3, 5 and 8 – a full 20 of damage against the unfortunate yeti. White fur and blood go everywhere.

Well, if the yeti had got his attacks in after a successful gaze attack, he would have done on average 16 points of damage against his luckless opponent. That might have been enough to tilt the balance against the carnivorous ape, but tonight, the dice were in the ape’s favour. Why not give it a try yourself and see how it comes out? You never know – with your dice luck, the yeti’s performance might not be so abominable.

Let us not forget that according to the Monster Manual, those pesky hobgoblins have a 60% chance of having 2-12 carnivorous apes as guards in their underground lairs. Yes, the samurai of the D&D world suddenly aren't quite the cannon fodder that we might imagine.

Next time, we’re pitting the Minotaur against our old friend and dungeon predator the Subterranean Lizard. Should be quite a match.

And before I go, I just couldn’t resist this for my British readers of a certain age…


  1. That was a surprise, all my GP were on the white wonder. OOh the funky gibbon!

  2. Well, the thing about the yeti is that he has to hit with a 20 to get his special attack, whereas the carnivorous ape only has to HIT with both his paws and he gets an extra d8 of damage. And of course the yeti's advantage, his hypnotic gaze, has a saving throw and only works if he gets surprise.

    I wonder if any of my American friends will get the Goodies reference. Was it big over there?

  3. Awesome, and just in time for "Simian Saturday". Sorry don't get the "Goodies" reference?

  4. @Bill - it was a very English thing, really. Way back in the early seventies; I wasn't sure if it had been picked up and run by one of the channels over there. Apparently not. They did a song called "The Funky Gibbon" which I can still sing (and do the actions), as can many Brits of a certain age!

  5. Victory for Kongs little brother!
    The Goodies made me think of the other song "Inbetweenies" which is where a certain medium sized person is at now.....B-)

  6. Nice. One of the best regular blog features around.