Saturday Night Fight Club - Conan v Fafhrd

Well, it's Battle of the Barbarians time and have we got a clash for you tonight. Fierce and bloody but not overlong - Lankhmar's champion versus the Hefty Hyborian himself.

Fafhrd

I did try to scan in the picture in Deities and Demigods but it's quite close to the centre of the book and I was quite reluctant to bend back the spine enough to get a good copy, especially as it's a very good condition D&DG with Cthulhu and Melnibonean mythos in. So I thought that this Mike Mignola drawing might do instead.

AC3 – I’m assuming that this is with his DEX bonus factored in.
Move 12”
HP 120
No of atts 2
Damage per att by weapon type
Height 6’ 11”

15th level fighter (ranger)
13th level thief
5th level bard (oh yeah, that’s so going to come in handy)

S 18(00) +3 +6
I 17
W 14
D 18
C 18
Ch 17

Bastard sword (8-14 (2d4+6)) and dirk (poignard or short sword) (8-14 (2d4+6))

2 atts per round (presumably with two weapons per attack)

Base THAC0 6 so to hit Conan he’ll need a 4 and with his strength bonus, it’ll be a 1, although his strength bonuses mean that he is almost certain to hit Conan, I’ll rule that a 1 will always miss. It’s either than or there’s no suspense whatsoever. And we wouldn’t want that, would we?

Conan
Good old Frank, he doesn't let us down.

S 18 +2 to hit, +4 damage
I 14
W 10
D 18 +3 reaction, -4 AC adjustment
C 18
Ch 17

Fighter level 13 THAC0 8 so to hit Fafhrd he’ll need a 5 or better, and with his strength bonus, that’ll be reduced to 3

Two attacks per round. I’ll rule that he gets the second attack in at the end of the round.

Thief level 7

HP 100

Leather armour (well, loincloth, anyway) (base AC8, less DEX bonus = 4) , broadsword (2-8 + 4 damage = 6-12) , dirk (poignard or short sword) (6-12 (2d4+4))

I’m giving Conan the same weapons combo as Fafhrd to make things a bit more even. Since Conan was a dab hand with many weapons, I think it’s credible. Also, since Fafhrd is using two weapons per round, methinks the Cimmerian should do likewise.

Well, let’s see who dies first. Ah, wait, we are still using the ‘down to 10% of HP means they yield’ rule.

That means that Conan has to drop to 10, Fafhrd to 12.

With two such evenly matched contestants, it’s really down to the luck of the dice. That means the d20 of Doom could decide the match. Oh hell…

Round 1

Both fighters have the same DEX so there’s no point adding the bonuses, they’d cancel each other out.

Fafhrd gets a 3, Conan a 1

First attacks, Fafhrd rolls a 6 and a 20 – as you will recall, we do operate the SNFC critical rule, so let’s see if it is. A 9 means double damage from that poignard. Good job he brought it with him.

12 damage from Greywand and 22 damage from Heartseeker, doing exactly what it says on the tin.

Phew! What can the shocked and bloodied Cimmerian do about that?

He rolls a 9 and a 13 – good hits, those. Let’s see what damage he manages to inflict on Nehwon’s finest.

9 and 11 damage. That’s not bad. Not quite up to what Fafhrd did earlier but nevertheless, we have yet to see their second attacks.

Fafhrd rolls first, although I’m deeming second attacks come at the end of the round and are more or less simultaneous, unless of course someone’s life depends on it.

12 and 10 for his hits, and for his damage, 9 and 8.

Conan rolls an 8 and a 9 for his to hits, and 10 and 7 for his damage.

End of that round and let’s look at where we stand hit point-wise.

Fafhrd is on 83

Conan is on 49 – he’s lost half his hit points in one round. That critical really left him reeling. Let’s see what round 2 has to offer.

Ding ding!

This time, Conan comes whirling out and into action on a 6 and Fafhrd is caught on the hop with a 3.

15 and 4 means that the Cimmerian has two hits, and the damage from each is 11 and 6.

Fafhrd replies with a 9 and an 18. I was half-expecting another critical there. Given the damage that these two can do, two of those in one fight could be a real match-killer.

Greywand does 11 and Heartseeker slides home with 13. Why do I get the feeling that this fight is going to be over sooner rather than later?

Second attacks – Conan rolls first; 19 and 3 so his poignard thrust only just catches Fafhrd. Damage of 9 and 10 respectively.

Fafhrd’s second attacks (I’m tensing myself to see what the rolls are) yield rolls of 8 and 4. If anyone is interested, the first roll looked as if it was going to be another 20 but decided on the 8 instead.

The damage from Greywand is 12 and from Heartseeker 9.

At the end of round 2, who’s alive?

Fafhrd 47

Conan 4

Crikey! End of Round 2 and it’s all over! The big Cimmerian has yielded. Seeing as how Fafhrd is Neutral Good, he’ll probably shake Conan’s hand and buy him a drink.

Well, let’s take a look at the numbers – Fafhrd had a good head start with an extra 20 hit points to his tally, and he did achieve that whopping critical in the first round. If he had started out with 100 hp, he’d be down to 27 at the end of round 2, and if Conan had not taken that critical, he’d be 11 points higher on 15. Closer, but it’s virtually certain that Fafhrd would have knocked him down to single figures or even minus figures the next round. The damage bonuses are only 2 higher but that makes the difference when there are four attacks thudding in each round and virtually no chance of missing.

I’m not sure what to serve up next weekend. I think I’ve used up most of the non-magical monsters in the Monster Manual and I might take a look at the Fiend Folio or Monster Manual 2 for inspiration. If anyone has any ideas as a combo they’d like to see, let me know and I’ll take a look at the stats.

As a postscript, and because I'm a big fan of miniatures, here's Fafhrd and the Grey Mouse as customised figures.

Saturday Night Fight Club - Conan v Red Sonja

As you can see, my time-travelling experiment to get the Marvel Comics illustrators to do me a SNFC special was successful.

Thanks to Old 4 Eyes for getting me the stats for these two stalwarts of sword-slicing action.

So now without further ado, let's meet the contestants!


Red Sonja


Fighter level 11 THAC0 10 so to hit Conan, she needs a 5 or better

3 attacks every two rounds. I’ll rule that she gets 1 on round 1, 2 on round 2, 1 on round 3 etc.

S 14
I 17
W 10
D 17 +2 reaction bonus, -3 to AC
C 11
Ch 18

HP 75

Broadsword (2-8 damage), dagger (1-4 damage), leather armour (well, chainmail bikini) Base AC 8 less DEX bonus = 5.


Conan
I won't be reducing his movement rate based on the fact that he has a woman stuck to his leg.

S 18/90
I 14
W 10
D 18 +3 reaction, -4 AC adjustment
C 18
Ch 17

Fighter level 13 THAC0 8 so to hit Sonja he needs a 3 or better.

Two attacks per round. I’ll rule that he gets the second attack in at the end of the round.

Thief level 7

HP 100

Leather armour (well, loincloth, anyway) (base AC8, less DEX bonus = 4) , broadsword (2-8) , dagger (1-4)


To make it a bit more pulpy, I’m going to rule that when one of the contenders drops to 10% of their starting hit points, they will yield to the other.

There’s going to be a lot of blood flying around tonight. I wonder how many rounds it’s going to last.

Okay, or should I say, by Crom, round 1

Conan rolls a 5, Sonja a 1. Their dexterity adjustments turn those into an 8 and a 3 respectively.

Conan, with an eager grin, aims his first blow but Sonja’s skills are legendary for a reason and she brings her sword in to parry the Cimmerian’s blow. Any other swordsman’s attack would fail but Conan is far from ordinary and he slips by her defence, slashing a long red line across her flesh for 3 damage. Her smile flashes as bright as her hair and with a roll of 15, returns the favour. Conan grunts with pain as her blade cuts into him for 7 damage. By Crom and Mitra, this lass is good!

Conan’s second attack reminds Sonja that this is an opponent of terrifying skill and power – he rolls a 10 and with damage of 6, that chainmail bikini is doing little to fend off Cimmerian steel.

End of round 1 and Conan is on 93, Sonja on 66

Round 2, and both combatants are at each other like tigers, their attacks landing at exactly the same time. They twist and turn in the air, each moving the sword like a dancer, the air parting before their blades.

Sonja gets a 9, Conan a 14. Yet for all their skill, their swords have hardly bitten at all; Conan manages a scratch with 2, whilst Sonja’s blade barely grazes the barbarian with 3 damage. Again, they come at each other, again their swords sing in the air; as they turn and land, cat-like, taut and expectant of the next attack, it can be seen that both are hit; Sonja scores a hit with 8, Conan gets the same score. Their damage scores are the same, 6 apiece.

End of round 2 and the sands of the arena are spotted with blood, scuffed with the panther-like movements of these two worthy opponents.

Conan is on 84, Sonja on 58, but the feisty she-devil with a sword seems to relish the damage, from the look in her far from downhearted eyes.

Round 3. Both combatants come hurtling in a whirlwind of steel and sweat; Sonja knows she only has one attack this round and has to make it count and fast – with 5, brought up to 7 with her DEX bonus, she thinks she has the edge. Conan rolls a 3 and even with his cat-like reactions, can’t quite beat the Hyrkanian hellcat to the first blow. Alas, as the sword slices down towards him, Conan twists his body to one side and the blade cuts deep into the sand. A 2 is not the roll that Sonja wanted at this point of the game. Conan turns and strikes at the swordswoman but surely some grit must have got into his eye – she is not where his sword slices. He too has rolled a 2. Crom! What deviltry is this?

No matter, for as she scrambles to her feet to carry on the fight, the Cimmerian’s sword swings and lays her a vicious blow – 8 points of damage leaves her reeling in pain.

End of round 3 – where does that leave our battlers?

Conan ends the round with 84, where he started, whilst Sonja is on 50. She’s lost a third of her hit points whilst he seems barely to notice the 16 damage that his mighty frame has sustained.

Round 4 – both Sonja and Conan roll 4 for their reaction but Conan’s body, honed by many long years of battle and hardship has the edge and he strikes first. He lunges with his sword and Sonja desperately tries to dodge the attack but fails – another wound on her lithe frame and 4 damage to this redoubtable but embattled warrior. Just to make sure that the mighty Conan does not get too cocksure, she slips under his guard with her broadsword and he cries out in pain as the blade cuts deep into him for a telling 8 damage. Her sweat-glistened grin fails to hide the tiredness and pain that she is feeling but it’s there nonetheless.

Conan replies with an overpowering attack that Sonja cannot dodge but she scores a hit of her own. A 14 and an 11 respectively and the d20 is getting into the swing of things. Did I mention that it’s red? Conan inflicts 5 damage, as does Sonja.

End of round 4 – Conan is on 71, whilst Sonja is still standing, but on 41. The heat of the sun and the punishment that this heroine is taking have visible effects now; her fiery mane hangs limp and damp and her body is covered in spatters of blood and sword cuts.

Round 5 – Sonja’s reactions are slower now; she rolls a 2 (adjusted to 4) compared to the Cimmerian’s 6 (upped to 9). Her eyes betray the realisation that she may not win this one, except the gods look kindly upon her. But unless her god is an icosahedron with the hue of a blood-red ruby, her prayers may go unanswered.

Conan’s attack is a masterstroke, shunting aside her parry and knocking her back onto one foot but somehow, she seems to have turned the blow at the last minute, for she only takes 3 damage. Wrong-footed, she flails with her sword and Conan effortlessly dodges her blow. Is he laughing at her or grimacing with some unseen discomfort? It is of little matter for as Sonja tries to evade the barbarian’s second attack, he catches her with the edge of the blade. She falls, rolls, is on her feet again, having only taken 2 damage

End of round 5 – Conan is now on 71, untouched by that round’s attacks, whilst Sonja is real trouble with 36.

Round 6 – both fighters have two attacks this round. Sonja needs to make hers count. But again, she is too slow – a 2 compared to Conan’s 5. Even her light-footedness can help her little now. Conan strikes, so quickly that only the keen-eyed can see how he did it. Sonja came so close to parrying the blow but Conan somehow brought his sword in and under her guard and this time it will cost her. 7 damage; can the doughty Hyrkanian sustain this sort of punishment?

She strikes back, her sword keen and true; Conan snarls in pain as her blade slices deep into his taut body for a hefty 8 damage. Both fighters edge around each other, waiting for the other to make the first mistake. The swords flash in the sun and both strike home, yet Sonja’s is the better blow, an 18 to Conan’s 9 and 6 damage to his five.

End of round 6; Conan is on 57, but gallant Sonja languishes on 24. The end of this combat cannot be long in coming but Conan gazes on his opponent with a respect born of the heat of battle.

Round 7 – both fighters roll a 1; Conan’s speed with the blade tells and he strikes first, a heavy blow that knocks Sonja’s parry aside, a lighter wound but in her tired and weakened state, it may be all he needs. 3 damage – small but at this stage, all too dangerous. She retaliates and with what strength remains, gives the barbarian another reason to respect her – 6 damage to his already battered frame. But as she turns, blade slick with blood, his own sword slices through air, skin and flesh, 5 damage to a body that has so little left to give.

End of round 7 – now Conan is on 51, down to half his hit points, but Sonja, battered and bloodied, is on 16.

Round 8 – again, the d6 speak as with one voice; both Conan and Sonja roll 3 – Conan, hewn of barbarian stone, refined in the fires of a hundred battles and more, gets the first attack in. Yet Sonja is making him work for his victory – he rolls a 3, barely enough to touch her. The damage his sword does is almost enough to bring her to her knees – but not quite; a 5. Her attack bites home, doing 4 damage. Their swords dance in the air, each wary of the other’s steely brightness. Both seek the gaps in the dance, both dart forward, both hit. Sonja, with her last gasp, makes Conan pay for his triumph with a stinging 7 damage. Conan is almost reluctant to wound her again, yet he does so and finally, taking another 5 damage, she falls to her knees, the sword drops ringing onto the sand.

At the end of round 8, Conan has 40 hit points left, and Sonja crouches before him, on 6.

“You fought well, lass” Conan says, pointing his sword away “By Crom, I swear I’ll not take your life today”

Now, I expect that everyone out there is saying to themselves "Hey, wait a minute, where are the To Hit and Damage bonuses for Conan's amazing strength. Doesn't the PHB give +2 and +4 respectively for STR 18/90?"

Well, if you weren't saying that, you are now. Truth is that I got so carried away with the full-on experience of writing this combat up that I just plain forgot to factor them in. Having finished the write-up and been fairly satisfied with it, I spotted the omission and went back to the beginning to rework it. And do you know what? I don't think it improved the fight. If anyone is interested, with the bonuses factored in, Conan beat poor Sonja into submission in a little over four rounds. Not what lovers of heroic and epic battles want to see. So I'm leaving it as it was originally. I think it reads better.

Anyway, that's tonight's combat over and done with. What's coming up next week? Well, now I have the stats, I thought that Conan might continue his wanderings, ending up next time in....

Lankhmar!

Saturday Night Fight Club - A Shark's Tale

Look at this picture. It’s amazing – it’s almost as if the authors of the Monster Manual somehow knew that thirty-three years later, I’d invent Saturday Night Fight Club and decided to illustrate tonight’s bout.

So without further ado and with the blessing of Dave Sutherland upon us, let's take a look at tonight's contenders...



Sea Lion


Frequency: Uncommon
No appearing: 3-12
Armour class: 5/3 (head is 5, rest of body is 3)
Move: 18”
Hit dice: 6 (average hit points 27)
% in lair: 20%
No of attacks: 3
Damage/attack: 1-6/1-6/2-12
Special attacks: Nil
Special Defences: Nil
Magic resistance: Standard
Intelligence: Semi
Alignment: N
Size: L

THAC0 13 so he’ll need a 7 to hit the shark



Shark


Frequency: Common
No appearing: 3-12
Armour class: 6
Move: 24”
Hit dice: 3-8 – let’s even up the game and give him six also. Same number of average hit points
% in lair: 0%
No of attacks: 1
Damage/attack: 2-5/2-8/3-12 – I guess that this relates to the hit dice. Mr Sealion is going to outclass him utterly if I leave it at 2-8 so let’s up it to 3-12.
Special attacks: Nil
Special Defences: Nil
Magic resistance: Standard
Intelligence: Non
Alignment: N
Size: M to L

THAC0 13 which means to hit the Sealion’s head he’ll need an 8, to hit its body, he’ll need a 10. I’ll use my normal rule for deciding the hits, 20% chance of the head, 80% the body.

I’ve raised Sharky’s damage dice slightly, and because he’s faster in the water than the Sealion, I’ll roll his reaction on a d8 and the Sealion on a d6. That’s sort of fair because it tilts the odds but doesn’t rule out Sealion getting the edge.


Right, round 1

Roll for reaction. Sharky gets a 5, Sealion rolls a 6. There you go. The type of dice made no difference.

Sealion attacks with the old claw/claw/bite – 17,18 and 16 – whew, that’s some rolling. 5 and 3 from the claws, only 2 from the bite.
Sharky swings in to attack – that bite is famous for its damage – just ask Robert Shaw. Let’s see if it’s as dangerous as the stories say.

29% says the body takes the bite. And with an 18, he still hits. Total of 6 damage.

End of round 1 and the hit points are as follows

Sharky 17
Sealion 21

Round 2 and who’s going to served up with chips? Only one way to find out…

Sharky rolls a 5 and this time, Sealion rolls a 3. Is that really a d8 that Sharky’s rolling or a d6 with an identity crisis?

48% says that Sharky hits Sealion’s body again. Let’s see what his to hit roll says

5 means his so-called razor sharp teeth just bounce off the scales.

Amazingly, the Sealion’s attack dice roll 4,3 and 6 – he misses utterly. Might be the 3D effect on Jaws 3…

End of round 2 and the hit points stay the same.

Round 3 and Sharky rolls an 8 for his reaction. Sealion can only manage a 3. Will it make the slightest bit of difference? Let’s see…

57 – so no, it’s a body hit again. Sharky rolls a 16 this round and manages to inflict 8 damage on Sealion who replies with…

5, 4 and 6 – what is this, d20 behaving badly or what?

End of round 3 and the hit points have changed somewhat…

Sharky is still on 17 but Sealion has slumped rather dramatically to 13.

Round 4

Sharky rolls a 5 and Sealion a 4.

Oho…fins away, here goes our sharp-toothed friend again. Roll for hit location and it’s the head this time. Ooh, that’s going to give him a better chance to hit. Hope that d20 behaves itself this round.

Oh dear, it’s only a 3. That d20 – what a tinker, eh?

Sealion swings in for his attacks – 6, 4 and 18 – ooh, thought the d20 was up to its old tricks there. Sealion scores 7 damage and the end of Round 4 is upon us.

Sharky still hanging on in there with 10 and Sealion with 13

Round 5 – the reaction rolls could clinch this one

Sharky rolls a 5, the d8’s favourite number and Sealion rolls a 3

And with a 01, Sharky goes for the head. He rolls…

15 – the d20 has been sent to sit on the naughty step and learned the error of its ways. Sharky’s damage is 8 – that’s bringing Sealion to the perilous state of being one good hit away from death.

But of course he has yet to have his attack – was that high score just a flash in the pan?

5, 16 and 6 – yes, the d20 of doom returns to its bad old ways. One d6 of claw damage gives 6 in total.

End of round 5 and the hit point totals are as follows

Sharky 4
Sealion 5

Surely Round 6 will see the chips ready? It’s all to roll for on the reaction dice

And it’s a tie. Both contenders rolls a 3. How about that? So close that Victor Kiam just bought the die rolls.

We’ll let Sharky go first although it’s not really first. 45% says the body gets the teeth and he picks up the d20…

It’s a 19. Well, unless he’s really unlucky with the dice…

9 damage! Will Sealion scrape home with an honourable draw or…

14,6 and 4 – well, that’s one claw that’s hit home. If he scores less than 4, he’s actually lost this one.

4! Exactly what he needed. It all came down to that last die roll and there it is – death on both sides.


Well, the Sealion in the picture seems to be having much better dice luck than our contender tonight. Must be a better-behaved d20.

I must admit that, like aerial combat, I haven't had much experience with underwater action but, leafing through the MM, some of those sea creatures were pretty scary. Take the shark's bigger prehistoric cousin Megalodon. It goes up to 15HD and does 6-24 damgage, with a chance of swallowing you whole. Here's a rough idea of just how big it was...


We're going to need a bigger boat...


Join us next week, all being well for something a bit different as Conan gets into a fight…with Red Sonja!

Saturday Night Fight Club - They call me MISTER Pig!

This edition of SNFC is dedicated to the Rusty Battle Axe who has made a lot of people very happy by deciding to stay a member of the Old School blogosphere. And there was great rejoicing!

So, a real Ice Age grudge match with no sign of talking mammoths or cuddly sabre-tooth cats. Let's take a look at the contenders on this evening's card.

Giant Boar (Elotherium)

Frequency: Uncommon
No appearing: 2-8
Armour class: 6
Move: 12”
Hit dice: 7 (average hit points 32)
% in lair: Nil
No of attacks: 1
Damage/attack: 3-18
Special attacks: Nil
Special Defences: Nil
Magic resistance: Standard
Intelligence: Animal
Alignment: N
Size: L (5’ at the shoulder)

THAC0 13 so to hit the wolf he’ll need a 7

Dire Wolf

Frequency: Rare
No appearing: 3-12
Armour class: 6
Move: 18”
Hit dice: 3+3 (average 17 hit points)
% in lair: 10%
No of attacks: 1
Damage/attack: 2-8
Special attacks: Nil
Special Defences: Nil
Magic resistance: Standard
Intelligence: Semi (low)
Alignment: N
Size: M (L)

THAC0 16 so he’ll need a 10 to hit Mr Pig


To make it interesting, and give you value for money since SNFC is taking a week off at Easter (yes, it will be coming back, no need to get a petition up) I’ll run boar vs. wolf, boar vs. two wolves and then boar against boar.

And then we’ll eat the boar.


Okay, round 1

Mr Pig and Wolfie roll for initiative. And guess what – they both get a 5.

Hit rolls, Mr Pig gets a 2, Wolfie gets a 12. And would you believe it, Wolfie maxes out on the damage, a colossal 8!

End of the first round, we have Mr Pig on 24, Wolfie on 17 still.

Round 2 – who’s for some apple sauce?

Mr Pig, goaded by losing first blood, gets a 6 on his reaction dice, to Wolfie’s 4.

And with luck like I’ve not seen for a long time, he rolls another 2. What is wrong with that D20? I gave it a good long roll and that’s what came up.

Wolfie’s not a laughing hyena but if he was, he’d be wetting himself now because he’s got another 12. At least his damage is only 6 this time, but nevertheless, a shock result for all the pig followers in the stands tonight.

End of round 2, and Mr Pig is squealing with 18, almost level pegging with Wolfie on an unscathed 17.


Round 3 and surely the fight must turn around for Mr Pig soon. I can hear Biopunk grinding his teeth in horror at this point, all the way across the Atlantic.

Mr Pig and Wolfie both roll 4 for their reactions. This is getting rather interesting.

At last, Mr Pig actually gets a hit in. Let’s see if he has better luck with his damage than he has had so far with his to hits. Of course, it’s entirely feasible that with 3d6 of damage, he could technically take Wolfie out in one round.

Not this round, however, as he’s only rolled 6.

12 is Wolfie’s lucky number as that’s the third time it’s come up for him. And with damage of 6, that luck is certainly going his way tonight.

End of round 3, the hit point totals stand at

Mr Pig 12
Wolfie 11

Round 4, and I can smell the barbecues getting going now…mmm, I’m getting peckish.

This time, Mr Pig is quicker off the mark with a 5 to Wolfie’s 2.

16 on the d20 and perhaps the porker’s luck has changed. I’ll roll for damage…

Woah! 14 damage – that’s one dead doggie we have there.


Right, time to bring on the second act of tonight’s mega-match. This time, it’s Wolfie and his brother Jack against Mr Pig. Will it go the pig’s way or will the dogs make sausages out of the giant boar? Only one way to find out…

Round 1

The d6s rattle their way across the table, giving Mr Pig 4,Wolfie 5 and Jack 2.

Wolfie rolls a 5 and his teeth bite on air as Mr Pig twists and turns like a twisty-turny thing, trying to avoid becoming a dog’s dinner. The porker rolls a 6 as Wolfie (or is it Jack?) dodges the savage thrusts of his tusks. Jack rolls a 16, so he manages to hit and does 5 damage.

End of round 1and the contenders stand thus

Mr Pig 27
Wolfie 17
Jack 17

Ding ding round 2!

Some low scores on the initiative rolls, but who got what?

Mr Pig 2
Wolfie 1
Jack 3

In comes Jack for another bite, but with 4, he’ll be going hungry this round. Mr Pig scores a 16 and the dice dictate that he selects Wolfie for a good tusking. He gashes his victim for a stonking 11 points of damage. You can hear the whining from here. Wolfie can give it out as well as take it, and with a 15, he hits home, doing 5 damage.

End of round 2 and I must say that I’m quite warming to this fight. Or maybe I’ve just seen the large delivery of burger buns at the back of the catering van.

Mr Pig is on 22, Wolfie is down to 6 and Jack is currently untouched on 17 – but for how much longer?


Round 3 and the dice rattle once more.

Mr Pig gets a mere 2, Wolfie is lightning sharp with a 4 and Jack comes in a close second with 3.

Wolfie has obviously been put off by his injuries and gets a poor 6, whilst Jack scores with an 18. His damage is average, 5.

Mr Pig rolls an 11 and gashes Jack for 11 damage, which he doesn’t seem to like at all.

End of that round and the porker is on 17, both Jack and Wolfie are on 6. If either gets hit next round, it looks like curtains for them.


Round 4

This time, Mr Pig gets a 5 for his reaction and both Wolfie and Jack are left bobbing in his wake with 4 and 3 respectively.

A 12 for Mr Pig’s hit roll and the crowd holds its breath.

11 points of damage against Wolfie. Doggone!

Jack is keen to avenge his brother but alas, with a 9, he’s just missed the bristly boar.

End of round 4 and there’s only Jack left on 6, with Mr Pig on 17 still.


Round 5 and we consult the dice to see who’s going to walk away from this one smelling of…

Mr Pig and Jack both roll 1s and we have a head to head.

Not that it matters much as with 6 and 1, they’ve both missed each other. Hope this ends soon; I’m really starting to get hungry now. Perhaps I should have ordered the chicken in a basket.

Round 6

Jack rolls a 6, Mr Pig is that little bit slower with a 4

Alas, with a 9, Jack can’t quite seem to hit Mr Pig where it hurts. The tusky one scores an 11, which is good enough to end this bout if the 3d6 roll well…

9 damage and Jack is now playing a harp on a cloud in doggy heaven.


Biopunk is probably jumping up and down with glee at this very point. Yeah, the dice were kinder to Mr Pig but he won fair and square both times.

So now we come to the highlight of the evening. Life’s a Riot with Pig versus Pig (ooh, get me, making obscure 1980s pop references there)

Before we continue, would anyone like a beer?



And something for Madame?



Good, now we’re sorted for drinks, we can crack on with the main attraction…

Round 1

Mr Pig and his arch rival Perky (oh come on, tell me I’m not the only one who remembers them…) roll their d6

Mr Pig, being the more experienced of the two gets a 4 to Perky’s 1

He rolls a 10 and gets first hit in. Damage of 8. Does Perky like that? Hell no, and with a 16, he tusks his rival right back. He scores damage of 15, which is really going to hurt.

End of round 1 and Mr Pig (who informs me that no way is he being called Pinky) is on 17 while Perky kind of gloats, if a giant boar can do gloating on 24.

But it’s anyone’s game with these two and Round 2 beckons. Pick up those d6 and roll ‘em.

Both boars roll 3 and so the clash is more or less simultaneous.

Mr Pig rolls a 6, which just misses, but Perky gashes successfully with 11.

This could be serious. What tale of woe do the damage dice tell?

Phew! 13, which is pretty bad news for Mr Pig.

At the end of that round, our embattled porker is down to 4, whilst Perky is sitting pretty with 24.

Round 3 and it’s with a certain amount of desperation that Mr Pig rolls his d6, while Perky is looking…well….perky.

Mr Pig gets a 2, while Perky trumps him with 4.

Perky gets a 10 and rolls his damage dice. He’s only two shy of the maximum he can get - 16!

Mr Pig is tossed high on his rival’s tusks and straight onto the barbecue grille.

I’ll have chilli sauce with mine please!


Well, as long as no-one minds me typing with my mouth full, that’s about all we’ve got time for this week. As I said, there’s the Easter break next weekend, and I haven’t selected a card for the next fight, but I’ll let you know what’s coming as soon as I know myself.

Till then, happy Easter, fight fans and pass the salad bowl!

Mmmm....mmmm...this stuff is good!

Saturday Night Fight Club - Ettin v The Otyugh Brothers

This week, something a little out of the ordinary - yes, it's Otyughs. Well, I think that's the plural. I don't even know how to pronounce the singular. They look suitably monstrous but I can't recall having met one in all my dungeoning days. You might think that because they look utterly barmy (in fact, the MM picture of the otyugh is so naff I don't even want to use it, unlike the Neo-Otyugh, which is quite cool) they aren't worth using. Well, sit back and enjoy the fight and then tell me you don't think they're worth a go.

Ettin



Frequency: Very rare
No appearing: 1-4
Armour class: 3
Move: 12”
Hit dice: 10 (average hp 45)
% in lair: 20%
No of attacks: 2
Damage/attack: 2-16/3-18
Special attacks: Nil
Special Defences: Surprised only on a 1
Magic resistance: Standard
Intelligence: Low
Alignment: CE
Size: L

THAC0 10

He’ll hit the Otyugh on a 7, the Neo-Otyugh on a 10

Otyugh


Frequency: Uncommon
No appearing: 1
Armour class: 3
Move: 6”
Hit dice: 8 (average hp 36)
% in lair: Nil
No of attacks: 3
Damage/attack: 1-8/1-8/2-5
Special attacks: Nil
Special Defences: Disease
Magic resistance: Standard
Intelligence: Low-average
Alignment: N
Size: M-L
THAC0: 12

It’ll hit the ettin on a 9

I’m not sure that the standard otyugh will be a worthy opponent for Eddie Two-heads, so I’ve lined up his bigger brother, Neo to provide the after-dinner entertainment.

Neo-Otyugh (just like an otyugh except it’s played by Keanu Reeves)


Frequency: Rare
No appearing: 1
Armour class: 0
Move: 6”
Hit dice: 10 (average hit points 45)
% in lair: Nil
No of attacks: 3
Damage/attack: 2-12/2-12/1-3
Special attacks: Never surprised
Special Defences: Disease
Magic resistance: Standard
Intelligence: Average to very
Alignment: N
Size: L

THAC0 10

It’ll hit the ettin on a 7


Oooh, I’m very excited about this – a two-headed gianty thing versus two walking cacti.

Let the dice start rolling and the blood/sap start flowing!


Round 1

Eddie and Otie roll for initiative

Eddie gets a 1, Otie a 6. That’s quite a bit of difference there. I wonder what Eddie was doing while Otie was gearing up to attack. Perhaps he was dancing a little jig. If you look at his picture, that’s what he seems to be doing.

Attack time! Otie rolls 4, 13 and 3 – a bit of a meh attack, really. His one hit does 5 damage.

Eddie decides to show Otie he means business. And with rolls of 12 and 11, that’s a business worth investing in. Let’s check out that damage – 6 and 9 respectively. Okay, not great but they’re not mere scratches…

End of round 1 and Eddie’s jigging away on 40 while Otie is down to 21.

Round 2, and let’s see who’s quicker off the mark this time…

Eddie rolls a 2, Otie a 6. That’s one fast Otyugh – I wonder if they practice martial arts in their spare time?

Otie rolls 6, 12 and 11 – two hits this time. Damage of 3 and 2 – okay, not great.

Eddie rolls his to hits, let’s see what he gets. Oh dear, looks like his heads weren’t pointing in the right direction, he gets a 4 and a 3.

End of round 2, and Otie is still on 21, while Eddie has dropped slightly to 35.

Round 3 and this time, Otie rolls 3 while Eddie decides the time has come to sting like a bee with 6.

That’s a bee without a sting however, since he’s just rolled 5 and 3. Oh dear…

Otie sees his chance and lashes out with his…whatever they’re called. Flappy spiky tentacle thingies. He rolls 10, 14 and 16. Will he be as lucky with his damage rolls?

8,6 and 5 – the answer is yes, those rolls are hot and they’ve got mustard on!

End of round 3 (and I like it when fights last this long)

Eddie is looking battered with 16 and Otie still has 21. I do hope that no-one is betting on this.

Round 4

Otie gets a 2, Eddie is that little bit quicker with 4. Let’s see if he can turn this fight around.

One attack misses with 6, one hits with 15. The damage dice speak and they say
12!

Otie lashes out but his attacks are not quite as successful – 4,4 and 19. The one that does hit (is that his mouth?) scores 5 points of damage.

End of round 4 and our contenders are on the following

Eddie 11
Otie 9

A good hit or two could really finish this one off – now might be the time to order your chicken in a basket.

Round 5

Let the d6 decide…

Eddie 1
Otie 1

Both fighters leap into action, attacks landing simultaneously! Woo-hoo!

Eddie gets 15 and 13 for his hits, scoring 11 and 11 – ker-splat, and Otie is green wallpaper paste. But the tentacled one may have the last laugh – let’s see what his die rolls are…

6,12 and 6 – he scored a whopping 8 on that last tentacled swipe but it wasn’t quite enough to bring Eddie down. The dicephalic one hangs on in there with 3hp.

Your Chicken in a basket, sir.

Oh-kay! Fight Two and let’s see if Eddie can hold his own against Neo, the rather tougher older brother of Otie.

Round 1 and it’s initiative time

Eddie gets a 2, Neo a 6. Sharp and fast, these otyughs…

Neo’s attacks are 3,13 and 18 – damage of 6 and 3.

Eddie swings in with those two little tree-trunks he picked earlier. Maybe he should have picked a couple of others because these are a little off.

4 and 2 are what he rolled.

End of round 1 and Eddie is down to 36, Neo still on 45.

Round 2 and who’s fastest this time?

Eddie wins it with 5 to Neo’s 4

He’s clearly gone for his reserve tree trunks because he’s just rolled 16 and 18. Let’s see what these beauties can do…

3 and 10 - not quite as hot as all that. Neo’s tough hide is probably soaking a fair bit of the damage up. Can he do any better?

10, 18 and 6 say yes, he can. His damage is 3 and 8 so a little less than Eddie.

End of that round and let’s see where our contenders stand

Eddie is on 25, Neo on 32.

We know these fights can swing either way depending on the fickle whim of the dice, so let’s move on to Round 3

Eddie isn’t quite so fast this time as his 3 is beaten by Neo’s five.

He rolls 4, 12 and 13 – shame that low roll came on one of his tentacle swipes. His damage is 7 and 2 – well, 9’s not so bad. Let’s see what Eddie has in store for the spiny one…

12 and 6 – one hit at least, for damage of 5.

It’s shaping up to be quite a hefty one tonight. Let’s look at the hit points –

Eddie 16
Neo 27

Neo is proving to be somewhat tougher in a fight than his little brother. I wonder what will happen in round 4

It’s a good set of rolls for initiative but Eddie clinches it with 6 to Neo’s 5

16 and 3 – not sure what’s wrong with Eddie’s right arm but the left is speaking the language of Hit with another 7 damage.

Neo lashes out with his long and danglies (and that wee mouth of his) and scores 4, 12 and 7 – one tentacle and a bite do 7 and 3 respectively.

End of round 4 and is anyone about to give up and go home? Probably not.

Hit points are now at

Eddie 6
Neo 20

A good roll by anyone this round could spell the end of the fight so without further ado, Round 5!

Eddie and Neo both roll a 3, so it’s Even Stevens.

Eddie rolls 7 and 5 for his to hits. That’s a bad pair of rolls for him.

And with 12, 13 and 9, Neo is about to show him just how bad his luck has turned. Damage of 6,6 and 2 – not the highest scores you can get with d6s but enough to send Eddie to the floor with lots of spiky things sticking in him.

Well, the dice have spoken and we’ve seen that two extra hit dice and a slightly better armour class make quite a bit of difference. Against lower level opponents, the ettin is a formidable opponent (in one of my games recently, 9 first levellers and a 3rd leveller attacked one and it inflicted 40% casualties against them before they finally brought it down). The otyugh and his bigger brother are hefty fighters, the first giving the ettin a real run for his money and the second flooring the two-headed one completely. Against dungeon parties, they should make a meaty threat; although their stats say that they are encountered singly (or possibly in pairs) they could give even the toughest fighter some brown-trousered moments if deployed in larger numbers.

Next time, I’ll be seeing who’s the hairest and hardest – Giant Boar or Dire Wolf? Join us for an Ice-age smack-down.

100th Post! Saturday Night Fight Club – Who let the dogs out?

Yes, I know that you were expecting to see a White Dragon going up against the Hell Hounds but Mummy Grognard likes dragons and when I mentioned who the contenders were for tonight’s bash, she got very upset and made all sorts of veiled threats until I changed the fight card and made a substitution. So, to carry on the theme of dogs, here are tonight’s combatants


Hell Hound

Frequency: Very rare
No. appearing: 2-8
Armour class: 4
Move: 12”
Hit dice: 4-7 but for the purposes of tonight’s dogfight, we’ll call the average 23
% in lair: 30%
Treasure type: C
No of attacks: 1
Damage per attack: 1-10
Special attacks: Breathe Fire
Magic resistance: Standard
Intelligence: Low
Size: M
THAC0: 15 so to hit the werewolf will need a 10
In addition to their normal attack, the hell hound breathes a scorching fire up to 1” distance causing 1hp of damage for every 1 hit dice they possess in this case 5. Save vs. dragon’s breath to halve the damage.


Werewolf

Frequency: Common
No. appearing: 3-18
Armour class: 5
Move: 15”
Hit dice: 4+3, which is an average of 21
% in lair: 25%
Treasure type: B
No of attacks: 1
Damage per attack: 2-8
Special attacks: surprise on 1-3
Magic resistance: Standard
Intelligence: Average
Size: M
THAC0: 15 so to hit the hell hound, they’ll need an 11

Save vs. breath weapon 16 or better. And I'm aware that technically you need a magic or silver weapon to hit a werewolf but I reckon that hell hounds are pretty damn magic anyway, so I'm giving them that one.

And has anyone actually noticed that the frequency for Werewolves is Common – that means there’s a 65% chance of encountering them. That’s right – 65% chance. Odds like that, these things should be leaping out at you every time you go to the shops.

The numbers appearing is going to be interesting; it seems that werewolves are probably twice as numerous as hell hounds, so we’ll try and pit 8 werewolves against 4 hell hounds and see what happens. It’s going to be epic.

Round 1

To the sound of barking and howling, the fight begins. I’ll make it easy on myself and rule that each hell hound gets two werewolves.

We’ll work down the hellhounds in order, thus (and I guess we’ll see if SNFC can handle larger combats)

Hellhound 1 scores 1 on the reaction dice
Werewolf 1 scores 3 on his reaction
Werewolf 2 scores 6 on his reaction

Werewolf 1 rolls 11 and does 6 damage, Werewolf 2 a 9 and misses.
Hell Hound 1 rolls a 9 and misses.

Hellhound 2 scores 3 on the reaction dice
Werewolf 3 scores 4 on his reaction
Werewolf 4 scores 5 on his reaction

Werewolf 3 rolls a 15 and Werewolf 4 an 18 – their damage is 4 and 5 respectively.
Hell Hound 2 rolls a 7 to hit and misses.

Hellhound 3 scores 6 on the reaction dice
Werewolf 5 scores 3 on his reaction
Werewolf 6 scores 2 on his reaction

Hell Hound 3 rolls an 11 and hits, for damage of 6.

Werewolf 5 rolls a 9, as does Werewolf 6

Hellhound 4 scores 3 on the reaction dice
Werewolf 7 scores 2 on his reaction
Werewolf 8 scores 2 on his reaction

Hell Hound 4 scores a 17, for damage of 5

Werewolf 7 rolls an 18, with 6 damage, Werewolf 8 rolls an 11 and inflicts 7

End of that round – hit points are as follows

Hellhound 1 17
Hellhound 2 14
Hellhound 3 23
Hellhound 4 10

Werewolf 1 21
Werewolf 2 21
Werewolf 3 21
Werewolf 4 21
Werewolf 5 15
Werewolf 6 21
Werewolf 7 16
Werewolf 8 21

It’s Round 2 – no-one’s dead yet.

Hellhound 1 scores 1 on the reaction dice
Werewolf 1 scores 5 on his reaction
Werewolf 2 scores 6 on his reaction

Werewolf 1 rolls a 3
Werewolf 2 rolls a 20 – I’m not running the critical rule in this fight, it’s bloodthirsty enough as it is, so just normal damage of 3
Hell Hound 1 decides to use the breath weapon and directs it at werewolf 1, who fails his save and takes 5 damage.

Hellhound 2 scores 1 on the reaction dice
Werewolf 3 scores 6 on his reaction
Werewolf 4 scores 3 on his reaction

Werewolf 3 rolls a 9
Werewolf 4 rolls another 20 – damage of 5
Hell Hound 2 also decides to use his breath weapon and directs it at werewolf 3, who also fails his save vs. breath and takes 5 damage

Hellhound 3 scores 6 on the reaction dice
Werewolf 5 scores 1 on his reaction
Werewolf 6 scores 6 on his reaction

Hell Hound 3 (I think they’ll all go for breath this round and alternate with teeth) breathes fire at Werewolf 5, who manages to make his save and therefore takes 2.5, which we’ll round up to 3.

Werewolf 5 rolls an 18 and does damage of 7
Werewolf 6 rolls a 5.

Hellhound 4 scores 2 on the reaction dice
Werewolf 7 scores 2 on his reaction
Werewolf 8 scores 4 on his reaction

Hell Hound 4 breathes on Werewolf 7, who fails his save and takes 5 damage.

Werewolf 7 rolls an 11 and does 8 damage
Werewolf 8 rolls an 11 and does 6 damage.
This damage is enough to kill Hell Hound 4

At the end of that round, the hit point totals are

Hellhound 1 14
Hellhound 2 9
Hellhound 3 16
Hellhound 4 dead

Werewolf 1 16
Werewolf 2 21
Werewolf 3 16
Werewolf 4 21
Werewolf 5 12
Werewolf 6 21
Werewolf 7 11
Werewolf 8 21

Okay, round 3 – everyone keeping up?

There are now two spare werewolves, who will turn on Hellhound 2 as it’s the most badly damaged now. This round, I’ll rule that the surviving hellhounds decide to bite – it has a chance of doing more damage.


Hellhound 1 scores 5 on the reaction dice
Werewolf 1 scores 6 on his reaction
Werewolf 2 scores 2 on his reaction

Werewolf 1 rolls a 7 and misses
Hell Hound 1 rolls a 19 and does damage of 6 against Werewolf 1
Werewolf 2 rolls a 12 and does damage of 7.


Hellhound 2 scores 4 on the reaction dice
Werewolf 3 scores 6 on his reaction
Werewolf 4 scores 1 on his reaction
Werewolf 7 scores 4 on his reaction
Werewolf 8 scores 1 on his reaction

Werewolf 3 rolls a 2
Werewolf 7 rolls a 11 and does damage of 4
Hell Hound 2 rolls a 19 and inflicts damage of 9 on Werewolf 7, who is the most wounded.
Werewolf 8 rolls a 6
Werewolf 4 rolls a 4

Hellhound 3 scores 5 on the reaction dice
Werewolf 5 scores 4 on his reaction
Werewolf 6 scores 2 on his reaction

Hell Hound 3 rolls a 6 and misses

Werewolf 5 rolls a 4
Werewolf 6 rolls a 6

End of round 3, let’s see who’s up and who’s down

Hellhound 1 7
Hellhound 2 5
Hellhound 3 16

Werewolf 1 10
Werewolf 2 21
Werewolf 3 16
Werewolf 4 21
Werewolf 5 12
Werewolf 6 21
Werewolf 7 2
Werewolf 8 21

The Hell Hounds are really taking a pounding on this one, although two of the werewolves are not looking at all happy. Ah well, on with round 4


Hellhound 1 scores 5 on the reaction dice
Werewolf 1 scores 1 on his reaction
Werewolf 2 scores 4 on his reaction

Hell Hound 1 rolls an 18 and his bite inflicts damage of 5 on Werewolf 1
Werewolf 2 rolls a 10
Werewolf 1 rolls a 12 and does damage of 7, which is enough to kill Hell Hound 1

Hellhound 2 scores 2 on the reaction dice
Werewolf 3 scores 5on his reaction
Werewolf 4 scores 3 on his reaction
Werewolf 7 scores 6 on his reaction
Werewolf 8 scores 3 on his reaction

Werewolf 7 rolls a 2
Werewolf 3 rolls a 4
Werewolf 4 rolls a 6
Werewolf 8 rolls a 11 and does 8 damage on Hell Hound 2, killing it

Hellhound 3 scores 6 on the reaction dice
Werewolf 5 scores 2 on his reaction
Werewolf 6 scores 3 on his reaction

Hell Hound 3 rolls a 13 and does 7 damage on Werewolf 5

Werewolf 6 rolls a 4
Werewolf 5 rolls a 4

At the end of that round, it’s looking like curtains for Hell Hound 3. He’s got 16 hp still left, and the werewolves lining up now to take him down have the following

Werewolf 1 5
Werewolf 2 21
Werewolf 3 16
Werewolf 4 21
Werewolf 5 5
Werewolf 6 21
Werewolf 7 2
Werewolf 8 21

As the odds are overwhelming, I’ll say that four werewolves have the chance to launch their attacks; two hit, two miss. The hits do 11 damage. The hell hound replies with 6 damage against one of the werewolves; I’ll be charitable and say that the damage is against one of those who would be killed by it.

Round 6 – the final four werewolf attacks land two blows against the last hell hound, who falls to the attacks. His last bite finishes off one of the wounded werewolves.

Well, from that rather long,bloodthirsty and vicious combat, what can we deduce? The werewolves’ superiority in numbers was by far the most telling factor in their victory. Hell Hound breath, although touted as a frightening weapon, seems not to have done all that much damage – even the most powerful hounds only inflicts 7 damage in total with each breath and that’s assuming that the victim fails its save.

As we’ve already seen, the frequency of werewolves and the numbers encountered (3-18, which is on average either 10 or 11) makes them a scary opponent; granted, the concept of the werewolf is by now somewhat corny and hackneyed and needs a bit of revitalisation, rather like Neil Marshall did with Dog Soldiers. If your Dungeon Master either watched that or reads this blog, pack your wolfsbane, silver and magic. And remember that they have a 15” movement rate, so they’re probably faster than you.

Next week, if all goes well, we’ll see what happens when an ettin takes on an otyugh.

Saturday Night Fight Club - Hill Giant v Ankheg

Yes, it’s back. Tonight, we have for your delectation and delight, the workhorse of the giant race, Harry the Hill Giant, fighting that scourge of farmers everywhere, Andy the Ankheg.


Hill Giant



Ooops, wrong Harry.



Ah, that's better.

Frequency Common
No. appearing 1-10
Armour class 4
Move 12”
Hit dice 8 + 1-2 (average hit points 38)
% in lair 25%
Treasure type D
No of attacks 1
Damage per attack 2-16
Special attacks Rock Hurling
Special defences Catch rocks 30% of time
Magic resistance Standard
Intelligence Low
Size L
THAC0 12 so he’ll need a 10 to hit Andy. I’m ruling that since an ankheg doesn’t really rear up, Harry has a 25% that his blow will land on the underside and so only need an 8 to hit.



Ankheg




Frequency Rare
No. appearing 1-6
Armour class Overall 2, underside 4
Move 12” (6”)
Hit dice 8 (average hit points 36)
% in lair 15%
Treasure type C
No of attacks 1
Damage per attack 3-18 (+1-4 digestive juices)
Special attacks Squirt acid for 8-32 hp once per six hours (half damage if save)
Special defences Nil
Magic resistance Standard
Intelligence Non
Size L
THAC0 13 so he’ll need a 9 to hit Harry


Round 1

I’m ruling that since ankhegs tend to come up through the ground to surprise their victims, Harry isn’t going to get his usual boulder throw attack in. He’ll just have to rely on brute force (he’s good at that, but let’s hope it’s enough)

It’s time for Trial by Combat!

Both battlers roll 5 for their reactions.

Harry rolls a 16. Let’s check to see if it’s hit the underside. No, a 48 says not. Nevertheless, he rolls 14 for his damage, which is only two shy of the max.
Andy rolls a 17 and rolls 9 with his damage. A bit more modest there, but let’s not forget the digestive juice damage (eeeww!) which gives an extra 2.

End of that round, Harry is down to 27 and Andy is looking a bit unhappy on 22. Still, he’s got his secret weapon – will he need to use it?

Round 2

Andy gets a 6 (where was that when I was using it for character generation the other week?) and Harry a 2 .

Okay, let’s see what the Oracular Power of the D20 has to say.

The Oracle is not happy with Andy, since he rolls a 6

Harry swings whatever large, blunt instrument of mass destruction the Hill Giant weapons research facility has equipped him with and (having rolled a 02 on the location roll) gets a 6 as well. Hmm…the oracle must have bought a job lot this week.

End of round 2, they are both on the same hp as last round.

Round 3

This time the fortunes are reversed as Harry gets a 4 and Andy a 3.

Harry launches his attack, rolling 26 and missing his chance to hit Andy on his underside by 1 lousy point. The dice can be fickle mistresses sometimes. Not Madame d20 though; she bestows a 12 for Harry, who inflicts 12 damage.

Andy strikes back and rolls a 16, which is crackingly good; those mandibles are biting tonight. Let’s see what the damage is –

13! (but only 1 from the digestive juices).

And let’s see how our gallant titans are faring now.

Andy is on 10, Harry on 13. Given that either of their main attacks could finish the job, it’s with a certain amount of trepidation that we approach


Round 4

It’s a bit of a gamble for Andy now; as he’s in extremis, should he unleash his secret weapon against Harry, given that I’m ruling he still needs a standard to hit roll?

Hell, let’s go for it. We still need reaction rolls, however.

Oh dear… Harry gets a 5, and Andy is sluggish to say the least on 1

Harry rolls his location dice, and gets a 55 – no soft underbelly for him this round. He attacks, and with a 19 really hands out the punishment to Andy. Let’s pick up those d8 and see what happens…

7 and 7 - it looks like it’s game over for Andy the ankheg.

Out of interest, let’s see what would have happened if Andy had been given the chance to launch his acid attack…

Ah, he would have rolled a 4. That’s a large area of ground just to the left of Harry that’s now hissing and fizzing. That’s a pity because I’m sure that we’d all like to see what 8d4 of acid damage would do to a hill giant (on average 20 damage).

It certainly would have been a very good move for Andy to have launched an acid attack....




Ah....I've got the wrong sort of acid, haven't I? Mind you, it'd certainly make your enemies easier to hit if, instead of charging towards you with a club they'd just acquired from the nearest forest, they were swaying from side to side, giggling at the lyrics of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds...

...and after following that link, so will you.


Join me next week, when I set a pack of hell hounds against a White Dragon. Now that's what I call a Song of Ice and Fire!

Sorry to disappoint...

...but rumours that Saturday Night Fight Club this week would be Jim Raggi v Faustusnotes have been strongly denied.

(besides, how the hell would I stat those two up?)


PS Hill Giant v Ankheg, tomorrow evening. You know where to come.

Match Postponed

Apologies to anyone who tuned in last night hoping to see SNFC.

Mummy Grognard needed to use the computer for an important college assignment and I was therefore unable to post. She didn't finish till gone midnight.

Normal SNFC service will be resumed next Saturday with Hill Giant v Ankheg.

Saturday Night Fight Club - Bully for You

This week, we’ve got a humdinger of a contest. It couldn’t be closer if two of the same monster were fighting each other, so without further ado, let’s meet the contestants. First into the ring is a creature with the head of a bull, the body of a man, who strikes fear into the hearts of men….



No, not that one. This one…

MINOTAUR



AC 6
HD 6+3 average hp 30
Atts 2 (butt or bite) or by weapon
Damage 2-8 or 1-4 or large axe 2-12 damage - yeah, I think he'll be using that one.
Special defences: Surprised only on a 1
THAC0 13, so he’ll hit the Lizard on an 8

And up against him, a leftover from the age of the dinosaurs, a time when if your name didn’t end in Saurus, you weren’t getting into Club Supremacy…

SUBTERRANEAN LIZARD

"Grrr...my cousin is a Basilisk!"

AC 5
HD 6 average hp 27
Atts 1
Damage per attack 2-12
THAC0 13 so it’ll hit Bully on a 7
If it rolls a 20 to hit, it has clamped its jaws on to its victim and will do double damage (a natural critical)

But wait, I hear you cry. Right next door to the subterranean lizard is a Minotaur Lizard, would this not have been a more appropriate opponent? Well, it’s got more hit dice, does more damage and a better armour class…

Okay, I’ll pit them against each other at the end of the fight for your jaded appetites, you bunch of sybarites, you.

So now it’s time for Trial by Combat!

Bully is only surprised on a 1, it says, so I wonder, shall we check to see if he’s surprised by finding a Subterranean Lizard UNDER THE GROUND?

Errr…no.

Okay, so it’s reaction time. Bully rolls a 2, Liz rolls a 1.

Bully swings with that axe, gets a 10. It’s a hit, and he rolls his 2d6 to see how much damage that BIG axe does. It’s a stonking 9.

Is the lizard perturbed? I don’t know; what does a perturbed lizard look like?

She must be slightly perturbed because with a 5, she’s just missed Bully.

Well, at the end of round 1, Bully has yet to bleed, whilst Liz is on 18hp.

Ding ding, round 2.

Reaction rolls, and this time Liz gets a 6, whilst Bully is on 3.

That d20 is not serving Liz well tonight; a 6 to hit and those supposedly lethal jaws bite on empty air.

Bully swings the axe again, and with a 17, hits home. Another nine damage. If this carries on the way it’s been going, we’ll have to have a rematch.

End of round 2, Liz is limping on 9 and Bully is wound-free on 30 still.

Round 3

Both Liz and Bully roll 1 on their reactions. I’m not sure what they were waiting for; perhaps a new d20 in Liz’s case. With a 9, the lizard has finally managed to get some beef for dinner. A cracking 10 damage brings Bully down to 20. But does Bully have an answer for that one?

17 – I’ve not seen such good axe work since Iron Maiden last played Wembley…

Unfortunately, the d6 let him down and he inflicts just 3 damage on Liz.

End of that round and Liz is on 6 and Bully is now on 20.


Round 4 – it’s all still to play for (who am I trying to kid?)

Bully rolls a 3 to Liz’s 2. Bully swings the axe…

It’s a 10 – he’s nothing if not consistent. And with 7 damage, he sends the lizard packing.


Okay, so we might as well have a second helping before the main course arrives…


Round 1 –

Let’s see if Liz’s luck with the d20 has changed. Reaction rolls, if you please…

Bully rolls a 4, Liz is behind on 2.

Bully gets an 11 to hit, and does a respectable 8 damage.

At last the wind of d20 change is blowing and Liz gets a 15 to hit. The damage weigh in at 6, which is not great but not bad either.

Liz is on 19 and Bully on 24.

Round 2

Liz and Bully both roll 4 for reaction. Liz gets a 9 and Bully gets an 18. He really is rolling some cracking d20s tonight – I don’t think he’s actually missed. That might stand him in good stead later.

And guess what – they both do 7 damage, which is exactly the average of 2d6.

End of round 2, Liz is on 12, Bully on 17.

Round 3

Liz is a scaly blur with a 6 reaction, Bully slightly more sluggish with a 2

Liz rolls a 9 again, damage of 8.

Bully lets fly with the axe and with all the predictability of a tax rise, he hits with a 14. His damage is 6 and so, at the end of Round 3, we have

Liz on 6hp and Bully on 9.

Surely Bully’s dice luck can’t last forever. Let’s see with the arrival of…

Round 4

Liz and Bully both get 2 on the reaction, so it might be that they’ll kill each other.

Liz gets a 12 on the d20 and does damage of 11 – that’ll take Bully out. However, before he goes, the horny one gets one last roll of the dice and with a 4, he actually misses, for the first time in either of these two bouts…


So there we have it. One-all and it seems that with two such evenly-matched creatures, it’s all down to the dice luck. Bully had it all going for him in that one, with only one missed hit.


So now, it’s time for the after-dinner entertainment. You’ve finished off the chicken in a basket, had a glass of house white, the lights are dimmed and some rather naff 70s disco music comes on the PA system.

It’s time for Saturday Night Fight Club Extra!

We know Bully’s stats, but here is the Mike Tyson of the lizard world…


Minotaur Lizard

AC 5
HD 8 (36 average hp)
Atts 3
Damage per attack 2-12/2-12/3-18
THAC0 of 12 which means he’ll hit Bully on a 6.

A roll of 20 indicates that the lizard has seized its prey firmly in its mouth and can bite it again next round with no chance of attack from its victim.

Okay, round 1

Big Minnie rolls a 1 on the reaction, Bully rolls a 3.

In swings the axe, and with a 15, he hits. Damage of 7. The crowd goes wild.

I can’t believe this – Big Minnie has rolled a 4, a 3 and an 8!

And what’s worse, the damage from that bite comes out at only 7.

So, end of round 1 and Bully is on 23, whilst Big Minnie is on 29. That’s not much of a gap. Let’s see what happens in

Round 2

Bully rolls a 5, Big Minnie rolls a 2.

Bully hefts his axe but his luck deserts him as a 1 comes up. Fortunately for him, he doesn’t roll another one.

Could this be where the tide turns for our bull-headed contender?

Big Minnie rolls the to hits…

2,6,11

One claw, one bite make bloody contact with Bully.

7 and 12 – that’s a stonking 19.

End of round 2 and Bully is on 4, while Big Minnie is on 29.

Round 3 reactions.

Bully gets a 5 and Big Minnie has to make do with a 1.

Bully clips it with a 9, but only gets a 4 in damage. It looks like Game Over for the mad axeman…

15,6,12 – all three attacks hit home. If you are of a squeamish disposition, look away now…

5, 3, 9 – total of 17. It could have been a lot higher but 17 is high enough.

Well, we should give a round of applause for Bully, who really gave it his all for that last fight. Even if he’d hit on every round and done average damage, he’d still have only done 21 damage to the minotaur lizard, who could have taken that sort of pounding for another two rounds and still been on 1hp.


In my opinion, one of the interesting features of SNFC is the way that the obscure monsters get their chance in the limelight. How often have players actually come up against a minotaur lizard before? And yet, they are truly fearsome opponents, capable of dishing out an AVERAGE 24hp of damage per round. They’ve got a THAC0 of 12, which means that even on AC2, a character is going to get hit about 50% of the time. Worryingly, the Monster Manual tells us that we will encounter 1-8 of these terrors but at least they’ve only got a 6” movement rate, so you’ve got plenty of chance to outrun them.

I wonder what would happen if a normal party went up against the minotaur lizard? I’m going to get me a vivarium and start breeding them now for use in my next dungeon, mwa-ha-ha-ha!

I’ve not come up with a combo for next week yet, so I’m open to suggestions.

Saturday Night Fight Club - Monkey Business

Carnivorous Ape v Yeti

Yes, I know that technically, neither is a monkey because they don't have tails.

Carnivorous Ape




The D&D equivalent of Mighty Joe Young.
AC6
HD 5 (average hp 23)
3 attacks 1-4/1-4/1-8
If it scores a hit with both hands at the same time, it does an additional 1-8 of rending damage

THAC0 15 so to hit the yeti requires a 9 as well.

And from the very last page of the Monster Manual (unless you count the treasure tables)...

Yeti


AC6
HD 4+4 (average hp 22)
2 attacks
Damage per attack 1-6/1-6

If it hits with a 20 on either of its attacks, it does 2-16 extra damage.

THAC0 15 so to hit the carnivorous ape, the yeti will need a 9


Heh, this looks like an even match. It’ll all come down to the die rolls, methinks.


Okay, round 1

Joe rolls a 4, Yeti rolls a 5

The Yeti’s attack rolls are 19 and 7. Didn’t get the 20 he needs for that chilling hug. So let’s see what his damage dice are...

Damage of 3

Joe gets three attacks – let’s see if that gives him the edge.

He rolls a 20, an 11 and a 16 – the dice are good tonight!

Okay, so let’s take a look at his damage rolls and see what he does. Not forgetting his rending attack – an extra d8

4, 4, 2 – for his claw, claw bite and rending damage of 7. That’s a hefty 17 damage! Phew!

End of round 1 and the yeti is down to 5hp and Joe is laughing with a total of 20


Round 2 and it’s all to play for.

Reaction rolls and the yeti is quicker off the mark with a 4, whilst Joe has to settle for a 1.

Yeti gets a 14 and a 7 – so one of his attacks hits home. However, a score of 3 just isn’t doing the sort of damage that he needs to inflict at this stage of the game.

Joe weighs in with his three attacks, and get 14,13 and 12. Things look grim for the white one.

He rolls a 4, 1 and 3 for his damage, a total of 8. The yeti is history. Any rending to be done is on the corpse. Academic, really.


Right…that was a short one. Let’s see if it’s a different outcome second time around. Hit the SNFC reset button and let’s do it again!

Round 1

The Yeti is first away with a 3. Joe was clearly thinking of something else (like was the Charlize Theron remake a good film or not), having got a 1

The Yeti’s attack rolls are a 16 and a 4. He rolls but his damage is only a 3

Joe rolls 6,17 and 13 – damage of 3 and 4, for a total of 7.

End of round 1, the yeti is down to 15, Joe to 20

Round 2

The Yeti and Joe both get 4 on the reaction dice, and both get their attacks at the same time.

Unfortunately, the yeti gets a 5 and a 7 and misses with both his attacks. Well, that’s dice luck for you.

Joe hits back with a 7, 9 and 20 – damage of 3 and 5.

End of round 2, the yeti is flailing with 7hp left, and the Joe is still on 20.

Round 3

Yeti gets a 3 on his reaction dice, and Joe gets a 5.

This time, the dice are not on the side of Joe and he only gets a hit with his bite attack. Let’s see if it’s enough to finish this bout.

5 – not quite.

The yeti fights back with 13 and 1 – he can’t seem to land both attacks at the same time. He managed to get 4 damage in.


End of round 3, the yeti is on 2hp and Joe on 16.

Round 4

The yeti gets a 1 for his reactions and Joe a 6.

Joe rolls 2, 16 and 16 and rolls 3 and 5 for damage. This knocks the yeti right out of the contest and it’s game over for him.


So that’s two-nil to Joe, But wait, I hear you cry. The yeti has a chance to paralyse his opponent with fear if he surprises it. I haven’t ruled that either side was surprised in the two combats we’ve just had but what if Joe was surprised? Would the yeti’s mysterious gaze weapon make a difference? Joe is a 5HD monster and therefore would save on an 11 or better. If he makes the roll, I don’t think he’ll need to roll again, since he can’t be surprised twice.

Let’s see.

Round 1

Let’s roll for that save. Guess what – an 11

Since we’re ruling that Joe was surprised, the yeti should go first.

14 and 4 – yep, he’s still got the same dice luck.

Damage of 6, so that’s not so bad.

Joe retaliates. 3, 16 and 1 – damage of 4

End of round 1, the yeti is down to 18, Joe to 17

Round 2

The Yeti and Joe both get a 2 for reactions.

18 and 15 – the yeti finally lands both attacks in the same round. Damage of 7

Joe has clearly picked up the lucky D20 and rolls 19,15 and 16

As he’s made all three attacks, that means he gets his d8 of rending damage in addition.

4, 3, 5 and 8 – a full 20 of damage against the unfortunate yeti. White fur and blood go everywhere.


Well, if the yeti had got his attacks in after a successful gaze attack, he would have done on average 16 points of damage against his luckless opponent. That might have been enough to tilt the balance against the carnivorous ape, but tonight, the dice were in the ape’s favour. Why not give it a try yourself and see how it comes out? You never know – with your dice luck, the yeti’s performance might not be so abominable.

Let us not forget that according to the Monster Manual, those pesky hobgoblins have a 60% chance of having 2-12 carnivorous apes as guards in their underground lairs. Yes, the samurai of the D&D world suddenly aren't quite the cannon fodder that we might imagine.

Next time, we’re pitting the Minotaur against our old friend and dungeon predator the Subterranean Lizard. Should be quite a match.

And before I go, I just couldn’t resist this for my British readers of a certain age…

Saturday Night Fight Club - Fighting with Dinosaurs

Old School? How old is old? Will 65 million years do you? Yes, back to when dinosaurs walked the earth, Status Quo were just starting out and fights were that little bit bigger.

T-Rex


Move 15”
AC5
HD 18 (that’s an average of 81 hit points)
No of attacks 3 (although if we’re talking about his arms, I don’t think that they have much of a chance so I’m ruling them out of the equation)
Damage per attack 1-6/1-6/5-40
THAC0 of 7 so to hit a troll he’d need a 3 or better. Hmm. Will he do it? And to hit an ogre he’ll need a 2 or better.
Swallows man-sized opponents whole on an 18 or more.


Troll




AC4
HD 6+6
3 attacks
Damage per attack 5-8/5-8/3-12 (that’s an average damage of 20.5 per round)
Regenerates 3 hit points per round 3 rounds after being damaged
THAC0 of 13 so to hit Rex, they’d need 8 or better.


Ogre



AC5
HD 4+1
No of attacks 1
Damage per attack 1-10 or by weapon
THAC0 15 so they need a ten or better to hit Rex.


Okay, so we’ll send the trolls up against Rex first.

Round 1 – let’s see what happens.

Trolls move in for the kill – or so they think.

Troll 1
Rolls his attack dice – 6,5,14
That’s only the bite that hits. Damage of 6

Troll 2
Rolls his attack dice – 3,14,18 hits with a claw and a bite, damage of 5 and 8

Rex gets a 2, which actually misses the troll.

End of the first round, the trolls are unscathed and Rex is down to 62. Does he look angry? Hell, he's T-Rex, he always looks angry. I bet he looks angry on his birthday.


Round 2

Troll 1
Rolls his attack dice – 12,16,14 claw claw bite all hit home. Damage of 5,6,7


Troll 2 rolls his attack dice - 5,12,6 only one claw makes contact for 5 damage

Rex rolls an 11 and does damage of 20 on troll 1, who will start to regenerate on round 5

End of that round, Rex is down to 39, troll 1 is on 13

Round 3

Troll 1 – to hits of 13,14,19 – damage of 5, 6 and 7 (didn't we just have those damage scores?)

Troll 2 – hit dice rolled for scores of 1,13 and 18 – damage of 5 and 8

Rex rolls, gets a 5, which is good enough to hit the troll. Damage of 17 against troll 2 (I just checked for it)

End of that round, Rex is on 8hp, troll 1 is on 13, troll 2 is on 16.

Round 4

Troll 1 rolls that d20 for 13,18,16 - damage of 7,7,7
Troll 2 borrows the d20 from his mate, rolls 16,5,12 - damage of 5 and 10

Rex bites and hits with a 6, damage of 23 damage which kills one of the trolls. Unfortunately, he’s just taken 36 damage and keels over.

I did do a combat between Rex and one troll, which he won easily. Although he has great HD, a superb THAC0 and hefty damage (although the damage only averages out at 22.5 per hit), his relatively high AC and the fact that the trolls get three attacks per round means that with anything more than 1 troll, Rex is swiftly overwhelmed and brought down. Perhaps this explains why the dinosaurs became extinct – a gang of trolls arrived in the late Cretaceous via a time portal.

So the king of the dinosaurs didn’t fare too well against the green and warty ones. Let’s see how he gets on if he encounters a pack of ogres, no strangers to a bit of a scrap themselves.


Round 1

Ogre 1 rolls to hit, gets an 11 – damage of 4
Ogre 2 rolls and gets a 10 - damage of 7
Ogre 3 misses with a 6
Ogre 4 doesn't do too well either with a 7

Rex rolls a 6 but with his THAC0, he’ll find it hard to miss. Damage of 23 and he’s bitten the first ogre clean in half.

Rex is down to 70 and the ogres are looking worried. This isn’t the way that a fight usually goes for them.

Round 2

Ogre 2 he's clearly picked the unlucky d20 out of the box, as he's rolled a 3
Ogre 3 he's had somewhat better luck and scored 12 – damage of 9
Ogre 4 keeping up the good work with a 10 - damage of 5

Rex rolls a 15 and inflicts damage of 19 on ogre 2, which knocks him to the ground. He won't be getting up again.

So now Rex is on 56 and there are only two ogres left, checking their insurance policies.

Round 3

Ogre 3 – gets a 15 on his hit dice - damage of 6
Ogre 4 - rolls a 1 - good job that I'm not making him roll for fumbles.

Rex rolls to hit, gets a 9 and inflicts damage of 17 on the third ogre, who is now staggering around on 2hp.

Rex is down to 50

Round 4

Ogre 3 rolls a to hit of 4

Ogre 4 rolls a to hit die of 6

Oh dear – both miss. Hmm...I wonder what will happen next.

Rex rolls a 12 – and damage of another 17 – since ogre 4 will probably have been pressing home his attack, I’ll rule that he takes this damage.

Both ogres are now on 2hp each and Rex is on 50 still. Not much point in the ogres running, since I think that Rex can actually move faster than them, and definitely on their current battered state. Let’s fight on!

Round 5

Ogre 3 – scores 3 with his attack die.

Ogre 4 – scores an 18 and does 2 damage.

Rex bites home with a 6 and does another 17 damage, ripping ogre 3 to shreds.


Round 6 – Ogre’s last stand.
He rolls a 17, which is a good to hit, but with damage of 4, he’s not stopping Rex, who hits with an 18. This would be enough to swallow a man-sized target whole, but the ogre is just that little bit bigger and he takes 21 damage, which leaves bits of him all over the countryside.


















"Trolls? I can't believe it!"


Well, there we are – dinosaur pride recovered somewhat. Join us next week when we pit two prime specimens of simian monstrousness against each other – the Carnivorous Ape against the Yeti.