Saturday, 20 March 2010

Saturday Night Fight Club - Ettin v The Otyugh Brothers

This week, something a little out of the ordinary - yes, it's Otyughs. Well, I think that's the plural. I don't even know how to pronounce the singular. They look suitably monstrous but I can't recall having met one in all my dungeoning days. You might think that because they look utterly barmy (in fact, the MM picture of the otyugh is so naff I don't even want to use it, unlike the Neo-Otyugh, which is quite cool) they aren't worth using. Well, sit back and enjoy the fight and then tell me you don't think they're worth a go.


Frequency: Very rare
No appearing: 1-4
Armour class: 3
Move: 12”
Hit dice: 10 (average hp 45)
% in lair: 20%
No of attacks: 2
Damage/attack: 2-16/3-18
Special attacks: Nil
Special Defences: Surprised only on a 1
Magic resistance: Standard
Intelligence: Low
Alignment: CE
Size: L

THAC0 10

He’ll hit the Otyugh on a 7, the Neo-Otyugh on a 10


Frequency: Uncommon
No appearing: 1
Armour class: 3
Move: 6”
Hit dice: 8 (average hp 36)
% in lair: Nil
No of attacks: 3
Damage/attack: 1-8/1-8/2-5
Special attacks: Nil
Special Defences: Disease
Magic resistance: Standard
Intelligence: Low-average
Alignment: N
Size: M-L
THAC0: 12

It’ll hit the ettin on a 9

I’m not sure that the standard otyugh will be a worthy opponent for Eddie Two-heads, so I’ve lined up his bigger brother, Neo to provide the after-dinner entertainment.

Neo-Otyugh (just like an otyugh except it’s played by Keanu Reeves)

Frequency: Rare
No appearing: 1
Armour class: 0
Move: 6”
Hit dice: 10 (average hit points 45)
% in lair: Nil
No of attacks: 3
Damage/attack: 2-12/2-12/1-3
Special attacks: Never surprised
Special Defences: Disease
Magic resistance: Standard
Intelligence: Average to very
Alignment: N
Size: L

THAC0 10

It’ll hit the ettin on a 7

Oooh, I’m very excited about this – a two-headed gianty thing versus two walking cacti.

Let the dice start rolling and the blood/sap start flowing!

Round 1

Eddie and Otie roll for initiative

Eddie gets a 1, Otie a 6. That’s quite a bit of difference there. I wonder what Eddie was doing while Otie was gearing up to attack. Perhaps he was dancing a little jig. If you look at his picture, that’s what he seems to be doing.

Attack time! Otie rolls 4, 13 and 3 – a bit of a meh attack, really. His one hit does 5 damage.

Eddie decides to show Otie he means business. And with rolls of 12 and 11, that’s a business worth investing in. Let’s check out that damage – 6 and 9 respectively. Okay, not great but they’re not mere scratches…

End of round 1 and Eddie’s jigging away on 40 while Otie is down to 21.

Round 2, and let’s see who’s quicker off the mark this time…

Eddie rolls a 2, Otie a 6. That’s one fast Otyugh – I wonder if they practice martial arts in their spare time?

Otie rolls 6, 12 and 11 – two hits this time. Damage of 3 and 2 – okay, not great.

Eddie rolls his to hits, let’s see what he gets. Oh dear, looks like his heads weren’t pointing in the right direction, he gets a 4 and a 3.

End of round 2, and Otie is still on 21, while Eddie has dropped slightly to 35.

Round 3 and this time, Otie rolls 3 while Eddie decides the time has come to sting like a bee with 6.

That’s a bee without a sting however, since he’s just rolled 5 and 3. Oh dear…

Otie sees his chance and lashes out with his…whatever they’re called. Flappy spiky tentacle thingies. He rolls 10, 14 and 16. Will he be as lucky with his damage rolls?

8,6 and 5 – the answer is yes, those rolls are hot and they’ve got mustard on!

End of round 3 (and I like it when fights last this long)

Eddie is looking battered with 16 and Otie still has 21. I do hope that no-one is betting on this.

Round 4

Otie gets a 2, Eddie is that little bit quicker with 4. Let’s see if he can turn this fight around.

One attack misses with 6, one hits with 15. The damage dice speak and they say

Otie lashes out but his attacks are not quite as successful – 4,4 and 19. The one that does hit (is that his mouth?) scores 5 points of damage.

End of round 4 and our contenders are on the following

Eddie 11
Otie 9

A good hit or two could really finish this one off – now might be the time to order your chicken in a basket.

Round 5

Let the d6 decide…

Eddie 1
Otie 1

Both fighters leap into action, attacks landing simultaneously! Woo-hoo!

Eddie gets 15 and 13 for his hits, scoring 11 and 11 – ker-splat, and Otie is green wallpaper paste. But the tentacled one may have the last laugh – let’s see what his die rolls are…

6,12 and 6 – he scored a whopping 8 on that last tentacled swipe but it wasn’t quite enough to bring Eddie down. The dicephalic one hangs on in there with 3hp.

Your Chicken in a basket, sir.

Oh-kay! Fight Two and let’s see if Eddie can hold his own against Neo, the rather tougher older brother of Otie.

Round 1 and it’s initiative time

Eddie gets a 2, Neo a 6. Sharp and fast, these otyughs…

Neo’s attacks are 3,13 and 18 – damage of 6 and 3.

Eddie swings in with those two little tree-trunks he picked earlier. Maybe he should have picked a couple of others because these are a little off.

4 and 2 are what he rolled.

End of round 1 and Eddie is down to 36, Neo still on 45.

Round 2 and who’s fastest this time?

Eddie wins it with 5 to Neo’s 4

He’s clearly gone for his reserve tree trunks because he’s just rolled 16 and 18. Let’s see what these beauties can do…

3 and 10 - not quite as hot as all that. Neo’s tough hide is probably soaking a fair bit of the damage up. Can he do any better?

10, 18 and 6 say yes, he can. His damage is 3 and 8 so a little less than Eddie.

End of that round and let’s see where our contenders stand

Eddie is on 25, Neo on 32.

We know these fights can swing either way depending on the fickle whim of the dice, so let’s move on to Round 3

Eddie isn’t quite so fast this time as his 3 is beaten by Neo’s five.

He rolls 4, 12 and 13 – shame that low roll came on one of his tentacle swipes. His damage is 7 and 2 – well, 9’s not so bad. Let’s see what Eddie has in store for the spiny one…

12 and 6 – one hit at least, for damage of 5.

It’s shaping up to be quite a hefty one tonight. Let’s look at the hit points –

Eddie 16
Neo 27

Neo is proving to be somewhat tougher in a fight than his little brother. I wonder what will happen in round 4

It’s a good set of rolls for initiative but Eddie clinches it with 6 to Neo’s 5

16 and 3 – not sure what’s wrong with Eddie’s right arm but the left is speaking the language of Hit with another 7 damage.

Neo lashes out with his long and danglies (and that wee mouth of his) and scores 4, 12 and 7 – one tentacle and a bite do 7 and 3 respectively.

End of round 4 and is anyone about to give up and go home? Probably not.

Hit points are now at

Eddie 6
Neo 20

A good roll by anyone this round could spell the end of the fight so without further ado, Round 5!

Eddie and Neo both roll a 3, so it’s Even Stevens.

Eddie rolls 7 and 5 for his to hits. That’s a bad pair of rolls for him.

And with 12, 13 and 9, Neo is about to show him just how bad his luck has turned. Damage of 6,6 and 2 – not the highest scores you can get with d6s but enough to send Eddie to the floor with lots of spiky things sticking in him.

Well, the dice have spoken and we’ve seen that two extra hit dice and a slightly better armour class make quite a bit of difference. Against lower level opponents, the ettin is a formidable opponent (in one of my games recently, 9 first levellers and a 3rd leveller attacked one and it inflicted 40% casualties against them before they finally brought it down). The otyugh and his bigger brother are hefty fighters, the first giving the ettin a real run for his money and the second flooring the two-headed one completely. Against dungeon parties, they should make a meaty threat; although their stats say that they are encountered singly (or possibly in pairs) they could give even the toughest fighter some brown-trousered moments if deployed in larger numbers.

Next time, I’ll be seeing who’s the hairest and hardest – Giant Boar or Dire Wolf? Join us for an Ice-age smack-down.


  1. Hey! Wait a minute, Daddy G!

    That third otyugh attack is a bite, and: "If it bites any victim it is 90% likely to be infected by disease (typhus)."

    That was three bites ol' Edward took there.

    Unless you're requiring all your contestants to be up-to-date with their vaccination schedules before a fight (...or had a cleric with some tetracycline or a Cure Disease spell in his corner...), in one to two weeks Eddie should be experiencing a headache, runny nose, cough, nausea and chest pains.

    This may be followed by chills and a high fever, vomiting, constipation, muscular aches and perhaps delirium.

    A rash of red spots may erupt, covering the trunk, arms and legs.

    Either the ettin dies or the disease passes after a couple of weeks, leaving him extremely weakened.

    As representative for Otie's agent, I just want to be perfectly clear that we are in no way responsible for any of Eddie the Ettin's future health problems.

    -yrs biopunk,
    (On the behalf of Otis A. Otyugh, Westmiddens.)

    P.S. - Thanks for not posting Otie's less-than-flattering MM picture.

    He assures me that it was in no way the fault of Jean or Dave, rather his own inability to maintain his stalk and tentacles in an "heroic pose" long enough for them to capture his likeness...

    He would further like to state for the record that he truly did regret the incident with Ms. Wells' cat and did offer to pay for the vet bills with what coin he had found in the town cesspools.

  2. Eddie's agent (not Don King, I hasten to add) thanks you for your concern. Eddie did sign the typhus waiver before getting into the ring, so Otie will not be facing legal action.

    Bear in mind that typhus doesn't come on that quickly; I'd check on Eddie's condition but I don't want to be covered in two lots of vomit or mucus.

  3. Fair enough.

    Next week, my money is on the boar.

  4. just like an otyugh except it’s played by Keanu Reeves ha ha ha!