The Thirty Nine Steps by John Buchan

Think you know the story? Think again. 

She's not in the book

This never happens in the book

Sorry, no Forth Bridge hidey bits in the book

Forget all about Mr Memory

Many people will be familiar with this one via the many cinematic or televisual adaptations which seem to come along more often than a new edition of D&D. However, few, if any, have given a faithful rendering of the book and it’s only in the past few days that I’ve actually gone back to source and read the original, which is getting on for 100 years old (in 2015).

Why, I wonder, do they feel the need to adapt it so heavily?  What about the story seems to make it difficult to transpose to the screen?  The book itself is short – around 41,000 words, so its length shouldn’t be a problem. It’s fast-paced with barely a let-up in the action, so fitting it in to 2 hours or so presents no difficulty.

No, what the problem is with the book is its sheer old-fashionedness; it champions values that are sadly out of keeping with the modern world as we perceive it and wish it reflected in our entertainments.  Nobility and self-sacrificing heroism, a rugged masculinity and a lack of sexual content seem, it appears, to make for poor crowd-pleasers.  It did, however, manage to please me, since I took it at face value and cannot really remember clearly the cinematic adaptations.

To be honest, whilst enjoying the yarn (for such it is), I was reminded for the most part of a Call of Cthulhu scenario in the Keeper is intent on giving the players the fright of their lives whilst never really intending to kill them. In fact, the whole book could serve as an object lesson in how to survive whilst on the run in the aforementioned game, since it is set in 1914, barely a decade or so before the time during which many Keepers set their adventures. Merely substitute ‘sinister plotters’ for ‘sinister cultists’ and you could probably run this one.

Of course, there are, it is freely admitted, colossal contrivances that conspire to make the story work. It’s a yarn, as I’ve already said. The pace manages to overcome the disbelief that may rear its head at certain points and if you read it in the spirit in which it’s written, the enjoyment is heightened. There’s also a rather abrupt ending and some dialogue that might be read as a ‘comedy Scottish accent’ although since Buchan was Scottish, I must bow to his inestimably superior knowledge.

As a glimpse into another time, another world and another set of values to which we may well glance with wistful nostalgia from time to time, especially when confronted with the less than savoury aspects of our own time, this book stands as a very good example.

An Adventure for Every Monster - Crocodile

Frequency    Common 
No. appearing  3-24 
Armour class 5  
Move  6”/12” 
Hit Dice 3 
Percentage in lair  Nil   
Treasure type Nil
No. of attacks 2
Damage per attack 2-8/1-12     
Special attack Nil   
Special defences  Nil
Magic Resistance Standard
Intelligence Animal
Alignment Neutral
Size  L (8-15’ long)
THAC0  16
XP value 60 + 4/hp


The High King is dead! Woe and tears in abundance, as well as opportunities for the more larcenous members of society.  The tomb of the King lies in an area of rocky gullies and hills and the local thieves’ guild would very much like to get in and help themselves to the wonderful treasures that lie within. Preferably before a rival guild decides to pre-empt them. Of course, being devout worshippers of the very gods invoked to protect the tomb, they cannot do the deed themselves and so turn to the party to assist by breaking in and liberating the riches.
The thieves’ guild will supply the party with a map of the tomb, details of some (but not all) of the traps that have been laid there to catch the unwary and arrange a rendezvous to hand over the loot. A suitably complex safeguarding process will have been arranged to ensure that the party do not simply ride off with the gold (details are up to the DM but it will probably involve assassins, geases, hostages, etc).

Off the party set to the Valley of the Kings, which has the obligatory jackals, vultures and undead lurking amongst the rocks and shadows (many of the ravines in which tombs are delved are so deep that the sunlight never reaches the bottom).

When the party reaches the tomb entrance, they will find that the cartouche of the High Priest who officiated at the burial and sealed the tomb is still intact; they may well assume from this that the tomb is undisturbed. Unfortunately for them, when they break in, they will find that it is completely empty.

It won’t take a genius to work out that the High Priest sneaked back after the funeral, broke in, looted the tomb and then resealed it afterwards.

It will, however, take a genius to convince the thieves’ guild that there was no treasure in the tomb. The thieves will take the view that the party is trying to pull a swift one and call in the heavy mob to put the frighteners on the party to return the loot they ‘stole’. Not kill them, mind. Dead men can’t hand back the treasure.

The party obviously needs to find the missing High Priest and get the treasure back. Tracking him down is not quite so easy; if the DM is feeling harsh, allocate two possibilities and roll for them

a) the High Priest decided that the further away he was from the Kingdom, the better and decided to make his escape across the desert. A huge sandstorm blew up and swallowed him and his mule train in its entirety. The party must somehow track down the remains in the vast and trackless sands.

b) The High Priest was somewhat more relaxed and took another route, stopping for the night by a river where, the next morning, he made a crossing and the mule train was attacked by crocodiles who made mincemeat of it. The treasure is now at the bottom of the river, being guarded – albeit inadvertently – by the crocodiles.

The party now have to get it back without getting eaten which is no mean feat considering they’ll have to dive down to get it and keep the scaly terrors busy at the same time. That assumes that they can find it in the first place – it’s muddy down there.

If the DM is feeling somewhat kinder, dispense with option a) and merely strew the High Priest’s journey with some misleading clues to make the party’s job that little bit harder. Perhaps a few rumours might not go amiss?

1. The High Priest was devoured by a demon after cheating on a promise to hand over the King’s treasure
2. The High Priest has a twin brother who is working with him to defraud the Kingdom
3. The High Priest has lost heavily on linen futures and needs to make up the losses by fair means or foul
4. All the treasure in the tomb was fake and the real riches were smuggled out of the Kingdom to a pre-agreed meeting point where the High Priest was waiting. The cartouche ring was passed to a member of the Thieves’ Guild who wanted to betray his fellows
5. The treasure is still in the tomb but a trap triggered by the break-in has turned it ethereal.
6. The King is not really dead but made a deal with the High Priest to fake his demise so that he could flee the Kingdom with the beggar girl with whom he has fallen in love.

Of course the DM might actually find one of these rumours more interesting to play as the real outcome of this adventure. Please feel free to do so if you want. Of course, the crocodiles will need to be put back in their box unless you can find a use for them.

In case you want to substitute the giant crocodile for its somewhat smaller cousin, these are the stats.


Frequency    Very rare to common
No. appearing  2-12
Armour class  4
Move  6”/12” 
Hit Dice   7
Percentage in lair  Nil   
Treasure type Nil
No. of attacks 2
Damage per attack  3-18/2-20    
Special attack Nil   
Special defences  Nil
Magic Resistance Standard
Intelligence Animal
Alignment Neutral
Size  L (21-30’)
THAC0  13
XP value 400 + 8/hp

The fabled Sarcosuchus, giant crocodile of prehistory with its unsuspecting dinner

Every little helps

Team Adventure - Saturday Wight Fever

After a long summer break, the players were up for some more dungeon delving. The autumn season began today; yes, BBC1 has Doctor Who, we have Team Adventure.

The party decided that it was third time lucky for the Gatehouse and decided to attack again. However, as they approached the fortification, they noticed something odd; atop the battlements, the gnolls and the minotaur were pushing a heavy bundle upon onto the edge.
One of the gnolls shouted out a challenge to the approaching party; fortunately, Gullhar could speak the gnoll language and managed to discover that they were threatening to throw their treasure off the ramparts and into the river if the party tried to attack. From the ensuing conversation, Elysia got the distinct impression that the monsters wanted to be left alone and were prepared to sacrifice their treasure to deter the party from another assault. There was clearly room for negotiation and Elysia carried it out with aplomb. She managed to get the gnolls to agree to hand over their loot in return for an alliance with the party and a promise not to attack the gatehouse again. The party’s emblem (a hurried consultation decided on Relic Rampant) was painted onto the gate itself and Elysia used Unseen Servant to ferry the treasure out onto the bridge where they bundled it up and dragged it off to the Room of the Stone Coffins, where it was counted. There was a fair amount of coin, two potions, some armour and weapons which would have to wait for the return to town to be properly identified.

Once their haul had been stashed away, Galadeus set off in the opposite direction to the Gatehouse. He passed the grilled windows through which the wide dungeonway could be seen, and at the t-junction, he turned right, finding a door a few yards up, which he decided to try and kick open. He succeeded and nearly lost his balance on the edge of a flight of stairs.

Meanwhile, the rest of the party was following at a distance and as Gullhar was in front, he was the one who walked straight into an ogre coming round the corner. The two traded blows and the ogre landed a hit on the elf. As the ogre turned and bolted, Alurax came hurtling in and chased it off down the corridor and round a bend. The ogre, having found four friendly orcs, turned to face the pursuing fighter and fought back, hitting Alurax twice before falling to a blow from the trident. Now Alurax was surrounded by orcs, as fresh reinforcements came up from further on down the passage. Elysia stepped in to Sleep the seven orcs who were attacking Alurax, then ransomed their lives for the agreement of their oncoming fellows to withdraw and come no further. The orcs fell back resentfully and warned her that she had not heard the last of this.

Meanwhile, Galadeus had reached the bottom of the stairs and through a door found himself on the dungeonway, a wide passage running off to the left and right. He decided to turn left and followed the passage until he came to an arch through which were some stairs that led down into a large chamber. At the far side was an old ship, rotted and dilapidated. The floor of the chamber was covered in brackish and slimy water that seethed and bubbled, stinking and rancid. Galadeus dipped his toe into the water and pulled it out just in time as a slithering white maggot creature made a lunge for him. He pulled back and communicated his discovery to the rest of the party, who were now approaching his position.

After some rather inconclusive shooting at the white maggots, Elysia decided to use her Fly spell and took Galadeus across to the deck of the ship.

It was clear that this vessel had seen better days. Several centuries ago, in fact.

 Even as they landed, they felt the rotted timbers creak under the weight of the armoured ranger and so he took off his armour, handing it to Elysia who took it back to the steps. This was perhaps unfortunate timing as just then, a swarm of giant rats burst forth from the bowels of the ship and attacked Galadeus. He took a bite or two but managed to put his Ring of Mammal Control to good use to make the rats jump off the ship and into the water, where they were overwhelmed and devoured by the maggots.

Rats, say hello to my little squirming friends

His troubles were not over yet as up through the rotted deck of the ship punched a vicious clawed hand, followed by another and then the head of the terrifying creature, hauling itself to freedom. It clambered out and headed for Galadeus who was only saved by the timely intervention of the flying Elysia, plucking him to safety. Or at least relative safety since, after taking several arrows with no visible effect, the creature clambered over the side of the ship and waded through the slimy water towards the party, attracting no interest whatsoever from the maggots.

The party decided to make a run for it, except Galadeus who stood his ground and attacked with his magic spear as the creature made landfall. Although he managed to do damage, it also caught him with its clawed hands and he shuddered as a cold feeling of horror ran through him. Wisps of glimmering energy flowed from him into the hands of the creature.

All of your soul is belonging to me

The combat with the horrible attacker, now revealed to be a wight, continued and now the rest of the party came back down the passageway. Elysia whipped out her Wand of Illumination and a command word later, the corridor was flooded with the light of the sun which blasted the wight back into the churning filth.

Somewhat understandably, the party did not wish to investigate the ship further, despite the possibility of treasure within. Instead, they headed back up the stairs and turned right, heading into one of the blank spaces on the map.
At the end of the passage, they arrived at a room where a large stone statue stood against the far wall. Galadeus, fired up after his encounter with the wight, draining effects notwithstanding, approached the statue warily but it did not move. There were four small holes, just about large enough for a person to enter, along the side walls of the room. Scouting around, the ranger managed to find a faint trail that led into the room and then stopped at the feet of the statue.

Finding the holes in the walls too much of a temptation to resist, Galadeus climbed into one of them and found himself hurtling down a steep shaft to land in a room face to face with a ghoul. It was a tough fight and he managed to avoid its horrible claws and fangs, finishing it off with deft use of his spear.  A shout for help brought a slither of rope into the tiny room but while he was down there, he noticed a stone block sticking out of the wall.

On hearing this, Alurax had the truly inspired idea that each room might well contain a block and that they must all be pushed in to activate or move the statue. He decided to investigate another of the rooms to find out if his hypothesis was true and after using his last oil bomb to set fire to whatever it was that was waiting down there, slid down the shaft. At the bottom, he was faced by a similar creature to the one that attacked Galadeus but this one was a lot tougher and before Alurax had the opportunity to finish it off, it raked him with its claws and he felt the cold sensation of powerlessness spread through his body.

Hearing the cry, Galadeus dived down the shaft and saw the creature crouching over the prone form of Alurax, about to start eating. A quick but accurate thrust of his magic spear finished off the ghast. Elysia retrieved the paralysed fighter, whilst Galadeus pushed the stone block, which slid into the wall with a click. The same result applied to the first chamber. It was clear that Alurax had been right in his hypothesis but this meant that there were still six chambers to be cleared before there was any chance of the statue moving (if that was indeed what happened). The party eyed each other with apprehension, wondering if anybody would volunteer or if short straws needed to be drawn.

Long John Silver by Bjorn Larsson - Review

I’ve just finished this one and had to take the opportunity to recommend it to anyone who likes a good pirate story. But it’s more than that, actually. Not only does it riff off the original Treasure Island but it takes the Silver character and fleshes him out in a way that’s wholly respectful of the source material and yet at the same time very much an original creation.  The prose is excellent and totally in character for the eighteenth century, made all the more impressive that it was written in Swedish and translated brilliantly into realistically briny and nautical English.

Larsson’s Silver is a compelling and fascinating individual, powered by the desire to live on after his inevitable demise. To this end, he sets to penning his autobiography from the island sanctuary to where he has retired. Larsson has given him a truly memorable history, full of incident and adventure, stuffed to the gunwales with authentic period detail. Real characters and events mix with the fictional creations and it seems from the author’s postscript that the former might well outweigh the latter.

At a certain point, Silver starts to realise that the literary character bearing his name has taken on a life of his own; in a way, the act of writing down his account of his life is almost hastening his end. The flesh and blood fades away as the legacy steps forward to take its turn in the spotlight.

For all the treachery, bloodshed, rapacity and lusty seafaring, Silver’s character comes across as immensely likeable in a strange way. He breaks from the linear narrative several times, at one point encountering Daniel Defoe in a London tavern, assisting the author with his work “General History of the Pyrates” on the condition that Silver himself is left out.  As the story continues, an air of melancholy infects the narrative as, one by one, the old pirates are hunted down or die in mires of vomit and brandy. Just as Pike Bishop saw out the era of the traditional outlaw, so Silver stands as sentry at the exit door for such colourful characters as Flint, Taylor, Hands and England.

A thoroughly enjoyable work and recommended – not just for pirate enthusiasts but for anybody who is starting to look at the story of their own life and wondering how they will be read by generations to come. 


Did I mention that the front cover is by Howard Pyle?

Myth Busters, 1930s style.

"Say, honey, have you ever wondered whether bulletproof glass really IS bulletproof?"

Team Adventure - A Troubled Bridge Over Waters

The session started with a burst of action. Galadeus, using his Potion of Climbing, scaled the wall of the gatehouse and was confronted by four gnolls,  three of whom moved to attack. The fourth slipped away, his purpose unknown to the party. Galadeus decided to use his magic spear but in attempting a complex attack with it, he lost control and nearly dropped it over the battlements; only an inspired grab and twist enabled him to keep it in combat.

Keen to support their comrade, Gullhar and Alagon shot at the gnolls to try and reduce the odds and with that assistance, Galadeus was soon facing three dead gnolls.

Casting a Fly spell, Elysia arrived on the battlements alongside the ranger just as an unearthly bellow emerged from the interior of the gatehouse. Moments later, a huge minotaur appeared, heading straight for the magic user and her companion. Galadeus used his last oil bomb and the snorting beast took burn damage to its arm.

Meanwhile, Alurax and Alagon had arrived at the gate and used their oil supply to try and get the gate on fire. They managed to get a fire going but then had to pull back because of the heat and were unable to use the lee of the gatehouse as shelter from gnoll archers. If Alagon thought he was safe enough, he was badly mistaken as the gnoll archers were on excellent form and the paladin was hit by as many as ten arrows. Alurax also took damage, which was not what he was used to.

I used to be an adventurer like you but then I took an arrow to the knee, the stomach, the chest, the arm, the neck....oh, and the head

Dodging the blows of the minotaur, Elysia took off with Galadeus and they landed on the bridge. With her Shield up, Elysia fended off several of the arrows that were aimed at her and cast Sleep on the space beyond the arrow slits to try and reduce the number of archers that were targeting the group. Nevertheless, the arrows kept on coming and with no way of getting the gate open (it was on fire anyway) the party decided that they should withdraw out of range into the passageway on the far side of the river.

Alagon proposed that they should return to the Room of the Stone Coffins where they could get some rest and lick their wounds. However, only an hour or so into their rest, one of Ferros’ zombies woke his master to inform him that someone was coming. That someone turned out to be an ogre, who climbed the steps up into the Stone Coffin room. He was somewhat surprised by the presence of the party, which cost him dearly. A Magic Missile from Elysia, Galadeus’ magic spear and a terrific sword hack by Alagon sent the ogre back down the stairs to end up dead in a pool of his own blood.

The disturbance eradicated, the party settled down again, hoping for a good ‘night’s’ sleep. This time, they actually got their full eight hours in; it was now 14th August.
Refreshed and revitalised, the party decided to set off for the gatehouse once again.

This time, Elysia sent Relic in to scout the gatehouse and see what opposition was  there. Unfortunately,  the gnoll archers gave him a welcome he would rather not have had and one of their arrows nicked the little pseudo-dragon. Whimpering, he hurtled back to his mistress, where Ferros cast healing on him to restore the damage.

They arrived at the bridge and started moving across. Elysia took Ferros with her on her airborne attack. Waiting for them on the battlements were six fresh gnolls and a minotaur with no scorched arm this time. The party approached the gate but as they did, from a side door just before the bridge appeared the first (singed) minotaur and six gnolls, cutting them off. The opposition had been using their brains and deploying their forces wisely.

As if that were not bad enough, the gate opened and out came seven hyenas, yapping and baying, heading straight for Alurax. Galadeus declared his intention to use his Ring of Mammal Control but unfortunately for him, before he could use it, a hail of arrows sprang from the slits in the gatehouse walls and felled him.

Ferros’ zombies took up a defensive line across the bridge, with Alagon and Gullhar in support.

On the battlements, Elysia managed to Sleep the gnolls that were facing her and Ferros. The cleric hid behind her Shield for protection while she stood up to the Minotaur. He hacked at her with his huge halberd but missed; she took off with Ferros attached but of course in this mode, she could not use any spells since her arms were otherwise occupied. 

On the bridge, two of Ferros’ zombies were hacked apart as the gnolls closed in. The minotaur took hits from Gullhar and Alagon.

Elysia landed next to Alurax and tried to sleep the hyenas but only one succumbed to her magic. Ferros touched ground with her and ran to the side of Galadeus, who he restored to consciousness with a Healing spell. Meanwhile the arrows were flying thick and fast, hitting more or less everyone on the bridge, apart from Ferros.

The minotaur facing the zombies was felled with a precisely directed arrow from Gullhar and the zombies counter-attacked the gnolls. However, two more were chopped apart before Galadeus could command the hyenas on the bridge to attack their gnoll masters.

The hyenas chased the remaining three gnolls up the passageway and there was the sound of yapping, baying and screaming before all went quiet in the darkness. There was no time to think about that because from the still-open gate came the sound of a bellowing minotaur and three more gnolls. Alurax charged in and there was a bout of fierce combat before the battered fighter staggered back and fell to the ground on the bridge side of the gate. The heavy doors of the gatehouse slammed shut and the party withdrew again. The two surviving zombies took arrows as parting shots but still staggered on, damaged but mobile.

The party withdrew into the passageway on the far side of the river again, with Ferros using more healing to restore some of the damage that Alagon and Alurax had taken.  They were understandably shocked; they had made two attempts to take the gatehouse and neither had been successful. Elysia and Alurax had come close to incapacitation and Galadeus had been severely injured. They would have to choose; take on the gatehouse a third time or try somewhere perhaps a little less dangerous for their next foray into the darkness.